Somewhere Else

I was taking a short walk tonight for some exercise and when I first came outside it was a bit windy. Something about it felt like the ocean to me even though it is a back road and far from the ocean. Like a whiff of lilacs or Grandmom’s rosewater from childhood, windy sensations of the beach hold special, safe and good memories for me.
When I was going through my many difficulties last summer and into January of this year – especially during the last part of the actual move – I found myself physically and mentally exhausted in a way I’ve never before known. However, I had to stay focused. I had to press forward. Too much was at stake. So admidst it all, as I single-handedly oversaw every aspect of the 800-mile-north moving back of all my household and business contents I brought from Delaware to Alabama upon my marriage in 2012 (then, professional movers were used and needed one full 26 ft. UHaul and another 20 ft.) I had to employ all coping tools in my personal survival toolbelt.

We all have been through things in life by which we pick up coping tools to use on the next difficult journey…

Yes, I had help. I hired help. I coordinated help. And yes, I drove U-Hauls! Nevertheless the situation necessitated me going days and days on 5-6 hours of sleep as I managed all the many things before me.
I remember days when physically exhausted, stressed and quite fearful of my future, I would need to walk across a parking lot into a store to find more moving boxes – or whatever other task. Or, perhaps just walk around the property packing, cleaning up, repairing, etc.
I noticed that there were a few times I thought to myself “this is so hard, I’m not sure I will make it…” and then I noticed a coping technique I used on “hard walks.” I consciously used this technique as I feared the immense physical and mental stress I was under could possibly cause a stroke or cardiac event. Yes, it was that bad and traumatic. But I was also looking for the joy in this hard journey.

What I did was this: If I needed to briskly walk for a task, I mentally envisioned that I was somewhere else pleasant. I kept my eye on hope and the future, imagining a time when the ordeal would be over and I would be walking through the Pennsylvania woods on a beautiful day with my son and his girlfriend, as we had done when I visited in October, preparing to move back up. I kept my imagination and my sights fixed on Hope and a Future.

Envisioning yourself elsewhere is a relaxation technique used in many situations, including childbirth. So as I briskly walked over concrete and past shop windows in Decatur, Alabama I tried to imagine I was somewhere else…

I do believe it played some small part in getting through some terrible moments of fear and physical and mental exhaustion.
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I remember something my father told me when I was around middle school age and we would talk. Those who know me well will understand the reference. He said, “And to think I survived World War II to come back to this.”

That sums up many of my personal feelings during this current surreal situation we are now sharing in worldwide – a situation that has now engulfed my ongoing personal crisis. When I left Alabama the end of January I could have never imagined the scenario I and all of us worldwide are in.

I want to be somewhere else. We all want to be somewhere else.
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Somewhere else.

Ebola virus? That is something that happens somewhere else. SARS? That is something that happens somewhere else. Third world poverty? That is something that happens somewhere else. Potential political collapse and upheaval – corruption, fascist governments – that is something that happens somewhere else. Economic collapse? That is something that happens somewhere else.

Mobile morgues? That is something that happens somewhere else – not on a headline story in the New York Times. Not here. Not in the USA.

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If we are paying attention to some deeper things than the virus itself we should all be quite concerned about the trajectory our nation and the world are on and seek to understand how we might change or offset this probable trajectory. Better yet, how we might be changed so that the potential trajectory strengthens us and works for the ultimate future good of all.

Right now we are in a place in this nation we have not seen before. We don’t yet know many things – fearfully at times we might wonder whether we or our loved ones will even be alive in a week…in a month…in a year – and that can be terrifying. All has changed. And we don’t yet know what the future will look like – what the new normal will be.

Like the use of a nuclear weapon in Japan in 1945, our world and our country will never be – or should never be – the same. Going forward, we now live in an entirely different world.

I invite you to not give into fear and to maintain personal hope and goals during this time, and especially to not be short-sighted thinking that when the immediate pandemic crisis ends we can simply go back to business as usual.
We cannot and should not. Our reckless unpreparedness for this and the collective acceptance of our fragile, corrupt, unsustainable and misguided ways are being exposed now and we must walk out of this with new insights, new purposes, new ways of being and new determination to work for the good of our nation and our world while it is still day. We must not only survive this physical and metaphorical darkness but we must be changed by it.
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There is a well-known classic book called Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. He was a psychologist who survived a nazi concentration camp and told of his observations of factors that seemed to make some difference in those that survived and those that died of illness or mentally broke down under the physical and mental stress of the situation. His observations aren’t novel – but basic observations that those who maintain tangible forms of hope and purpose seemed to fare better than those that did not.
(“Man’s Search for Meaning is a 1946 book by Viktor Frankl chronicling his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during World War II, and describing his psychotherapeutic method, which involved identifying a purpose in life to feel positive about, and then immersively imagining that outcome.” – Wikipedia)

Be safe and be hopeful. Be informed but don’t give into fear. Quarantine and take all possible precautions available to you in whatever your situation is. Excercise, get fresh air, find things to do that are meaningful to you and self-care. Check on others. Imagine a new and beautiful future for yourself, your families, this nation and the world.

Love to you all.