I wish I had the time to write and express here in recent times, as I would like. Many Titles and Blog Entries have circulated in my mind (some half-composed in my mind as I go through some days…) during the last months, however time does not currently permit me to write and express in the way these pieces need and deserve.

At one point in my journey I hoped to share and encourage others going through a variety of relationship issues – with a variety of types of relationships – that may have aspects of aspects of things I’ve been navigating – in what feels like pretty much my entire life.

So on this cold, winter day I would like to simply share a number of links to quality YouTube and other self-help resources that I have found helpful.

Maybe this is cheating a bit – I believe they used to call such pages “link farms” – however please know that this is a personal compilation and I am only linking ones I have listened to one or multiple times – with the title – in hopes that someone else may benefit in some way, just as I have benefitted.

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The first one linked is by a psychologist whose name was written on a piece of paper for me to look up last week, by a stranger more or less…along with another name.

I found myself in a business related situation where I had to wait for over an hour for some special printing services and what began as small talk with this person – who kindly offered to stay past shop closing to service what I needed that was on tight deadline – slowly evolved into an interesting back and forth dialogue of personal experiences – not too deep – just enough to – at least at face value – exchange the “me too and I’ve been there” idea.

I try my best to pick up cues about “safe” and “unsafe” people to dialogue with – this person had also offered to take a look at my printer – needing repair from accidentally dropping sunflower seeds that ended up flinging into it! As they peered into the printer with a severely damaged ink sponge I had dislodged while trying to remove the sunflower seeds and had then rolled under the mechanism – they said, “do you have cats?” Obviously noticing random cat hairs as well.

The odd thing about this unplanned encounter was that in recent times I’ve decided only to discuss my current difficulties with women in any depth. From my place of struggle, these are deeply women’s issues but of course not limited to women.

Mothers and Daughters – Women and Women – Women and Men – Sister and Sister – Women and Male Bosses and Co-Workers…and so forth…

However, this store owner was a male. So I was extremely and deliberately careful in what I chose to disclose. Empaths are quick to trust, quick to disclose.

They disclosed some things too – amazing what you might tell a stranger – and when I left they said they hoped this wasn’t too personal but asked if I had anyone to talk to. I said, yes, I have a therapist and others. And then he handed me this paper and recommended these two YouTube experts.

Strangely, after I left with what I thought might have been a reasonable and positive dialogue – if taken at face value – my mind was launched into some “what ifs…”

What if this person actually had NPD and that’s why they knew so much about it. I mean – I follow articles on Quora with “Narcissism” topics and some with actual NPD actually comment and explain how their minds work. To enlighten us all. They have “cognitive empathy” which they can use at any moment to any end goal.

What if they had lured me into disclosing deeper information (by seeming to also disclose equal things) about myself so possibly…well…for a brief moment I had entertained the possibility that maybe our paths might accidentally cross again…I did make it clear that I was absolutely in a “never again” situation.

It was an object lesson in the trauma my links so clearly describe – that after narcissistic abuse one is left in quite a bad state of never fully trusting themselves or another human being again. They are left hypervigilent and second-guessing themselves at seemingly every turn.

NEVER.

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Apparently, I have learned over the past number of years there seem to be far more of these confounding people and relationships to navigate than I might ever have imagined. Those who should be questioning themselves do not question, while their survivors spend excessive energies – often at a very high emotional/physical/spiritual cost – to keep trying to fix themselves and their relationships by trying to understand their experiences with others, their own part in it, and what they might do in hope of any positives changes.

Since my listening and reading is ongoing, this is Part I of my self-help resource sharing. I invite you to explore other related talks with any of those speakers below you find yourself resonating with and if you have recommendations for me, I’d love to hear from you. Each of these YouTube speakers offer a “subscribe” feature for their podcasts.

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“You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before. And that, my love, is bravery.” – Anonymous

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” — Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh