Ode to the Voice of the Ghost of Van Gogh

(a thirty minute break for some fun!)

Van Gogh:

Hey. I found the mate to your sock. Perfect match.

Me:

Yaaaesss!!! NICE.

Van Gogh:

Watcha up to now?

Me:

Ha. I’ve wandered around 30 minutes searching for my cell, so I can post this.

Van Gogh:

Cell? Watcha in for? Copyright infringement, most likely. I saw your recent Sunflowers knock-off.

Me:

My CELL phone.

Van Gogh:

What’s a phone? How did you find it?

Me:

A cellphone is a device you carry with you at all times, so you can talk to people in far away places, like you, and see pictures of what other people are eating for dinner.

Van Gogh:

Huh. I shoulda had one that night in the bar, so I could have texted Gaugin.

Me:

Not sure it would have made any difference, considering all things.

Van Gogh:

A little snarky, aren’t we? How did you find this thing?

Me:

I went inside and used my landline. I called the cell and walked around vast areas until I heard it ringing. It was out by the chicken coop. Laying in a plastic sled.

Van Gogh:

Are you OK?

Me:

You’ve got some nerve to ask me that. Are YOU OK??

Van Gogh:

What did you say? I’m having trouble hearing you right now. It feels like something is covering my ear.

Me:

You are just too. much.

Van Gogh:

You appear to be off task.

Me:

And you aren’t? I mean weren’t? Like ever???!!!

Van Gogh:

I think you should quit art. Become a writer.

*insert snark*

Me:

You’re just jealous. Ha.

Van Gogh:

Seriously. I wrote. I wrote lots and lots of letters…to my brother Theo. Mostly asking him for more paint and to sell stuff for me.

Me:

Yeah. I read them. The whole thick collection. Don’t quit your day job.

Van Gogh:

Still snarky there, girl. What’s the matter, not enough coffee? I think you should drink some more. And pour it into the cup where you mix cobalt blue lead paint. (snickers…)

Oh right. They don’t use pure lead these days.

Don’t you go quitting your day job either. BTW’s…what is that?

Me:

I’m an artist. And why would I mix paints in the same cup I drink coffee from?

Van Gogh:

Right.

You aren’t an artist, because you are selling your art. Everyone knows artists don’t sell art. That’s absurd.

Plus, if you aren’t mixing toxic paints in your coffee mug, you just aren’t edgy enough.

Ha.

Me:

You are crazy!

Van Gogh: