She’s back!
Chrissy G. Justchrissythatsall.
I mean…I just stepped outside for a minute and she crashed the Thanksgiving party through the back door!
There she sat, banging the table with fork in hand, chanting, “I WANT TURKEY. I WANT TURKEY. I WANT TURKEY.”
Two of my guests, Crouble and Marley, were so scared they hid under the table!
At least Chrissy was dressed nicely, and sporting lovely Mardi Gras beads. However another guest soon discovered she had taken his special seat!
“I WANT TURKEY. I WANT TURKEY. I WANT TURKEY!!!” she shrieked!
Just then, Mr. Lost strolled back in from his catbox break in time to witness the commotion.
“Calm your jets, ” he hissed. “We all want turkey, believe me…what makes YOU so special?”
Now I warned Chrissy not to talk politics at the table.
And for goodness sake, take off those…um….those campaign buttons. They make no sense! Are you a lobbyist for Tractor Supply?” I snarked.
“I don’t get it, I just don’t get it!”
“I want FREE TURKEY!” she yelled more loudly!
And with that, the conversation went south.
“Hmph,” snarled Sammy the cat. “A freeloader I see!”
“There’s no such thing as a FREE TURKEY.”
“Somebody’s got to pay for it…and from all appearances, I think we four cats have worked some pretty long hours so that you could sit there – all ‘dolled’ up no less with FREE Mardi Gras beads – ‘ahem’ (coughs hairball) – in MY chair – causing a scene!”
Then it escalated!
“You hypocrites!”, she retorted.
“I think ALL FOUR of you are entitled. Every time I come here, you are just laying around on the couch…”
At this insinuation, Crouble took issue!
“I DO NOT LAY ON THE COUCH all day. I lay on LEDGES. And that is a huge different, and that is a FACT!”
Just then, Sammy’s ear perked up. He thought he heard the words, “And that is a SNACK!”
“That’s still MY opinion!” Chrissy snarked.
Finally, the turkey was brought out!
Chrissy grabbed a drumstick.
And then, she piled the OTHER drumstick onto her plate!
Disgusted, I admonished her, saying, “Your eyes are bigger than your stomach! You better clean your plate, girl, because there are starving dolls in Walmart.”
With that, Chrissy G. Justchrissythatsall decided to get a little sassy with me!
“Starving dolls in Walmart. Right. And THAT is why I NEED to lick my plate clean?!”
“That’s a good one. Gimme a beer.”
“Now that I have some beer, I’m ready to talk politics at this here Thanksgiving gig. Or religion. Take your pick….come on now…I don’t have all day!” she impatiently quipped.
“OK then. Cat got your tongues?” she snarked.
“My dime. Let’s talk about dissent. Think about something you feel strongly about that someone else here disagrees with. Like…um…oh I don’t know….(hiccups)…FLEAS. Let’s take fleas, for example. “What’s the policy on fleas around here?!” Chrissy trolled….
And so began the awkward Thanksgiving table talk about FLEAS. By the end of the evening, three cats were scrapping it out after meowing their opinions on everything from forced baths, pills down throats, the wearing of collars and oils…only Marley removed himself politely from the room and was later found staring into space from a counter corner….speaking in cat telepathy: “I wanna go home now…can I go now?!”
To which I “telepath-ied” back to him, “Marley, you ARE home!”
“How did I have to end up living here???” Marley wondered….
And Chrissy G. Justchrissythatsall….where was this instigator?
Laying center on the table, of course!
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