We Seem to Have Ourselves a “Horse” Situation!

Me: We seem to have ourselves a horse situation!

Z: (feigning ignorance) A WHAT?

Me: A “horse” situation.

Z: (logical) Oh, you mean the KNIGHTS.

Me: Yes, the knights. Of course. Those horses that can move in tricky ways!

Z: (small laugh, showing slight intellectual acknowledgement of my hyperbole…just…slight!) Right.

__________

The following is an affectionately written creative account – with a few artistic licenses taken!

I mean…I tend to remember many conversations well but not word for word…liberties and imagination have been used somewhat with the dialogues and recollections below without essential compromise of both my recent and distant memories of playing chess with the “Zachmeister.”

My oldest son has a friend who has been such a wonderful mentor in so many of his pursuits over the years – he’s slightly older than me but on rare occasion when we might chat he affectionately refers to my son as “The Zachmeister!”

I am grateful for different ones in our “villages” that enhance our parenting especially as our growing children turn into grown children.

__________

Now every parent knows that temptation to tell various stories about our children (both grown and while growing) is strong and I try to think twice before incorporating true stories into my writings.

But this one about a long ago chess game with the Z is just too funny (and nostalgically precious) in my repetroire of memories that deserve some form of storytelling.

I mean, in my mind, it’s kind of up there with the skinning the groundhog and getting tularemia story...or…the night the Zachmeister came home around 2 am and told me he hit a deer on Appleton Road and was thinking about going back and getting it since it was dead (or almost dead). He felt bad about it, actually, as he described the event, and didn’t think its loss of life should go to waste.

I should tell that one as a warm up…!

We both were ignorant of road kill rules, among other things….and while we were still discussing this through the bathroom door he left in his little Honda (there were two doors to the bathroom, one into the hall and one into my bedroom) and returned very soon with the deceased creature.

There was snow on the ground and it was shortly before Christmas in 2010.

From one single memory of my dad skinning a deer on our property when I was in gradeschool, and little knowledge, I had it in my mind that the thing needed to be hung upside down asap so the blood would drain to the bottom before rigor mortis set in, and it should be “gutted” right away!

I later learned this wasn’t critical, that immediate “gutting” was called “field dressing” or something like that…and hunters did this for convenience…or something like that…

(Yeah…I homeschooled them…too…ha ha ha…and oh yeah…the ear candle story…that’s a really good one, too!)

So the Z tried to get it up in a tree out back and the rope broke.

I thought to go get extra thick picture hanging wire (I had acquired many rolls of it for free!) and we would braid the wire to make it stronger than the rope.

After me and Z did this, we tried to hoist the deer up but the two of us weren’t strong enough.

Then I said (and this was around 4 am by now), “I’ll go get your brother to help!”

I went in J’s room and tried to gently and quietly arouse him from deep sleep!

I remember him saying, “What…what???…whaaaatttt???? Wait, WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!” as I was trying to explain that the Z and I needed him to come outside and help hoist a deer into a tree, that there had been a road kill.”

J was reluctant, dazed and confused..I mean…who knows…maybe he slept-walked outside with me!

He took one look at the dead deer (with an appalled look on his face, as I recall…) and me and Z and said, (and these words I clearly recall!)….

J: “I’m having NO PART in THIS!”

And he did an about-face and went back inside to his warm, toasty bed.

I think I may have gone inside a few minutes to talk with him – he was upset and I didn’t know what to do since I was trying to aid in this “situation” and was probably apologizing, or laughing, or both! – and by the time I came back outside the deer had been hung upside down!

We went to bed and the next day, Z borrowed a sharper knife from our neighbor and, after reading how to proceed, was outside working on the thing near the back of our property.

A young neighbor girl was swinging on her swing near the back fence watching intently…and Z said she got off the swing and slowly walked toward the fence for a closer view…

I mean…it was almost Christmas…you know…Rudolph and all that, ha ha…

Hopefully she wasn’t too traumatized. I’m guessing that girl is probably close to eighteen now (I didn’t know her but she was about 6 or 7 I think) and she probably has a version of this story in her memories, too!

I think I’ll skip some of my memories of the rest of that deer situation so I can move on to the more recent horse situation…but after I had dug out my father’s deer meat grinder I still had…discovered it was too dull and rusted to work (I remember grinding and packaging venison with him that one year in our basement, as a child)…and between the skills of Z, me, and my “chopping blender,” we got a couple of steaks and a couple of pounds of some weirdly chopped venison! (and of course, the memories..yes…those!)…and my kitchen being …um…a mess…I’ll leave that to the imagination and without further ado…

…here is a story within a story….from the quite memorable chess game with the Zachmeister around 2002 or 2003- ish to our re-match on Christmas Day 2021.

Enjoy!

__________

Christmas Day, 2021…with Z and Wiley-Dog!

Me: When’s the last time you played chess?

Z: It’s been awhile.

Me: When is the last time you and me played chess? (I was smiling, because I knew…believe me I knew…)

Z: I’m not sure…

Me: I think I remember! You were in 7th or 8th grade and going through a phase of intent interest in chess. One afternoon toward dinner time, you wanted to play me. Remember that little white square table I had painted with a decorative checker/chess board and the checker/chess pieces I had made out of sculpey clay?

Z: Yes.

(I had made a creative-looking table/piece set hoping to sell it but eventually we kept it. The pieces were turquoise and magenta and I had formed horses and pawns and all pieces in a somewhat non-traditional form. The Queens had whimsical, ruffled, flaring skirts to distinguish them…it was actually quite a cute little set!)

Me: So I remember deciding that you were old enough for me to play my best game with you!

(OK…I should pause to state the obvious…any parent who plays their “best game” with a young child…ha ha…probably has issues! I mean…most children’s games like Candyland do not involve skills – though I suppose it is possible some parent might gloat at winning with a five-year-old, ha ha – but then there are games like…checkers…or card games like Concentration. I could be wrong, but I bet most parents ease into scooping up all those card matches while playing Concentration until the child can handle a bit of defeat…right?! But at this point in our lives, Z was also interested in online Mensa tests which he, his dad and I would try out with one another…ha…ha…ha…I mean…when a middle schooler informs you what a Mensa test is...I mean…I mean…it might just be time to play a real chess game with the kid.)

Me: (continuing while the Z is watching me…) So I remember this. We played a long game (I vaguely recall him using “Castle” and other moves which, by the way, he tried to re-explain to me on Christmas Day…I don’t get the moves well enough to use them!) and I had you in a stalemate.

(I am not any Queen’s Gambit Girl but I do enjoy chess – and that is a great series on Netflix, too – and I rarely remember playing games ending in a stalemate other than on this one such occasion.)

Me: I can see it in my mind’s eye. We had the table set up by that old white piano, in the living room near the kitchen entrance. I was sitting nearest the kitchen at the board, and we were deadlocked in the right corner nearest me. After your getting into this unfortunate situation, and us at first reasoning together that you had no moves left that would get you out of check without moving you into check, you suddenly found one move you could, in fact, yet make…and you made this move…I then made my move, putting you back into check. Actually I remember…we had only our two KINGS left. Ha. This is what made this so, so, so good! My king had your king in a stalemate.

I beared with it for a bit because your wheels were spinning…you kept saying, “just let me think about it…there may be another move I can make…”

I said, “we could chase each other all around this board one space at a time, but this will never end with anything but a stalemate.” (ha…I admit…I could have been wrong…I don’t think I was…but…anything is possible…)

I began to get impatient. I said, “This game is over. I need to make dinner now.”

And the Z was insistent…“No…it’s not over…let’s just play a little longer…just give me more time to think…”

Of course things escalated a bit emotionally as I stood up to walk away…I don’t remember all the interactions per se…but what I clearly remember in my mind’s eye was my twelve or thirteen year old son’s “leaky eyes!”

Boys that age don’t want to cry when their mamas beat ’em at chess…but…I think…and I could be wrong, of course…I think I was seeing him brushing back some tears as he insisted I continue the game…just a few more moves...just a few more so we are sure there are no more moves!!!

Well…I’ll leave it to the reader’s imagination how things ended that day on the chess board! I vaguely recall, as I write this actually, he may have set them all up again and wanted a re-match.

All I remember in my mind’s eye is walking into the kitchen to make dinner…

_________

Z: So you want to play? I’ll play.

Me: (smiling) Yes, I’d love to play you again. We should each play our best games!

(32-year-old vs 58-year-old may be qualitatively different from 12-year-old vs 39-year-old…let’s see…)

Wiley: I don’t know what you two are doing…but I will (patiently) sit here until the ham is ready…

Tick tock…tick…tock…the room is silent except the mechanical ticking of a wall clock…“you go first, Z…”

He moves his horse out.

I always watch the horses…always…!

Z came out-of-the-stall…so-to-speak…with a horse.

I mean, um…a KNIGHT.

Tick…tock…tick…tock…at this point I joked, “I think there’s a horse situation going on…” thinking my acknowledgement of this wouldn’t affect any strategy (or non- strategy) in play…just stating the…obvious…at least in my mind.

Wiley: I can’t take any more of this! Fa la la la la…..zzzzzzz…..zzzzzz……..

Wiley: WAIT!!!! Did someone say “horse?” Is there a horse situation? I like horses! …Z….remember when I took that deer down in that creek where you were camping?…I’m a red heeler…just let me see the horse(s)…how big are they??!!!

*Wags tail with excitement*

Z gives Wiley-Dog some attention…tick…tock…tick…tock…

Z: Don’t worry buddy…ham is cooking…it won’t be long now….

Wiley: But…those horses are soooo small…I think I could eat ’em up in one bite! Pleeeze….I need a snack…I’m sooo….hangry….you know how I feel when there is no deer…or…or…ham…

Tick…tock…tick…tock…

A few utterances made by each…

“I didn’t see that coming…” and “yeah…”…and “I didn’t see that coming…” and “are you sure you want to go there?” and “yes…(decisively)…yes that’s my move”

*lifts hand off piece*

My King: I ain’t afraid! I’m going to keep going right out here into the middle. I’m risky I tell ya..risky… I’m watching y’all…watching y’all….you got my horses, M’Lady and um…my castles…and um…all but three pawns..but…just let me think about this situation a little longer!

Tick…tock…tick…tock…

…and eventually…“I’ll take my Queen back now…”

…and…“of course…”...who wouldn’t?!

Me: You know, Z, I read an article that says people inherit their intelligence more from their mother.

Z: Well, ha. It’s looking like I didn’t get too much.

Me: Ha.

And then…a photo of the Zachmeister after I decided I’d thought long enough about it…“Ok…yeah…right…checkmate.”

Z: Do you want to play again?

Me: Yes, but not now. I need to go make dinner!

__________

Epilogue

Any parent of a teenager probably thinks there are moments where they wish they had some type of unique instructional manual. When the Z was sixteen – and I honestly can’t recall the interaction that prompted this – I remember thinking to myself how adversarial my parenting technique in that situation seemed to be.

I was SMH (shaking my head) and trying to mentally and emotionally “re-group” I suppose…I remember I was thinking about that chess game several years earlier and I went into my office, opened Photoshop to let off steam through some humor and creativity…it didn’t take me long to design my fantasy cover to my unique (and frustratingly-not- necessarily-the-best) parenting style and “How To” book….

…let the experts add THAT to the list of permissive-authoritarian-authoritative styles I remember learning about in college!

They just don’t know.

Yet.

They just don’t know that this one…

…EXISTS!

And that it has been used by parents of teenages quite often for quite a long time. For better or worse.

Ha.

I think he turned out pretty well…thanks to the village and all else.

And that, was my Christmas Day 2021 story.

The End.

__________

Wiley: Oh goody…goody…goody…ham…I smell HAM…!