Last night, in front of the TV, I tackled sorting through another box of things saved over the years.
We all save this and that and since my last move, I continue (as I have periodically done at other times) attempting to sort and whittle down things from business file cabinet drawers or tucked away in other places.
In the past several years I’ve been gradually letting go of some types of physical papers – business receipts and personal cards with notes – by scanning them and saving digitally. Receipts for my business are important, and I make sure they are well backed-up before adding the originals to my burn pile.
And it is the same with some cards and notes. We just cannot keep every physical item that holds some meaning, yet I believe some are fully worth saving in various ways.
Or at least, acknowledging in some way as having had (or still holding) various meaning and value.
Having cleaned out my mother’s home just prior to her death (and a number of times prior to that) I recognize that when we leave this world those who sift through our stuff may find no meaning in some things, meanings where there may have been no meanings in other things, and will save only that in which they find (or assign) some meaning.
How sad it is for anyone who leaves this world and whomever sifts through their stuff finds nothing of meaning or value.
Last night, I sorted and made decisions about some photocopies of samplings of old lesson plans when I taught art. I found other things from my early years of developing my business which held a lot of meaning to me.
I acknowledged my own hard work and efforts (some of which directly paid off and other attempts which were later abandoned as not worth the time and efforts) from that time in my life and in the life of my children. I remembered some of the backstories or things going on during that time which prompted these creative outputs.
I especially browsed details in my attempt at one point to make a physical catalogue to sell various artwork. It was photocopied back then, and I considered all the time and work that took and how little profit it generated, in-and-of-itself. Yet, it was a stepping stone of sorts.
Einstein said, “He who has never failed has never tried anything new.”
Our successes are made up in part from our failures.
One item I took note of – and perhaps I should cut out just one of these and tape to the side of my computer – was a photocopied page of my very first business cards. I had started offering my services in 1989 from the kitchen table of a mobile home on Sassafras Tree Circle, after my oldest son was born.
I wanted to stay home with him and use my God-given talents to also produce needed income.
But one item I found in the box last night was a notecard and personal message from my Aunt Virginia. She and my Aunt Daisy and Aunt Doris were always good and faithful letter writers and they understood and acknowledged realities of my situation(s) either directly or indirectly in their communications. And I experienced the love and care through these periodic messages.
This card was from 1995 and I recall specifically the situation. Actually, I have several drafts in process to add to my Life Stories here regarding that situation and related clusters of same situation(s) going back to 1976. It feels daunting to whittle out time to form these into good and cohesive expressions, and I remain determined to do just that.
In fact, yesterday I bit off yet another little chunk by contacting an institution in West Virginia and getting email contact where to send a request for some information. I formed the email and sent it, as I want to obtain anything documentable during the process of telling parts of my mother’s story, which inherently are parts of my story, which, inherently are parts of the story passed on to my sons.
Part of Psalm 103 comes to mind this morning about “its place remembering it no more” – and then I read in context – and think about the truths that in one sense, we are all like grass and our small worlds will soon be forgotten in the bigger flows of time and human existence. Yet, the truth of God’s goodness and care for each of His creatures is immutably expressed in this beautiful Psalm, and I highlight below the parts which speak to me this day.
As I write this, I peeked at part of a text sent by a friend with a quotation:
“The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.”
And I think about various axes I’ve experienced in life (and I invite the reader to think of their own) and the truth of how the tree remembers.
In life, there seem to be times of axes…yet also, scripture speaks of needed prunings. I also think of one of my favorite Psalms – the very first – which describes the person who puts deep roots into God and the things above (which are also expressed in their life on earth) as being like a tree planted by water, that yields fruit in its season.
I think lately about oak trees, and deep roots. And I think about the unrooted and spiritually ungrounded (or mis-grounded) trees.
I think about many things, but mostly, I think about and honor the memory of my Aunt Virginia and that there is a place in my mind and heart and that of others which remembers her, and remembers her well.
Dear Eileen,
We will keep you in our prayers and hope that “everything” will soon go well for you,
and your mother.
You shouldn’t have to bear so many problems – just keep your faith!
Give our regards to Jim and the boys.
Love,
Aunt Virginia and Uncle Bill
Psalm 103
Of David.
1 Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
6 The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the Lord, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the Lord, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the Lord, my soul.
__________
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