When the Spaces in Between Words Do Not Add Up

As in most families throughout human history, the passing and preserving of family stories is considered a worthwhile pursuit. For me, family stories seem to hold a critical space and I mean this in two ways.

Critical as in essential to me in my continued understandings of my own life and self, and critical as in information to deeply analyze, explore, interpret and otherwise not simply take at face value. This morning, as I muse through a writing in a recently obtained genealogy book on the Linger Family (Families) in the general areas of Buckhannon, West Virginia, it seems that the best place of critique and speculative interpretations starts with the logical questions existing in the spaces between the words themselves, penned by an uncle who played a significant part in my mother’s early life and formation.

I could be wrong, but when people write, with intention and with the purpose of preservation, it would seem logical that they bring every writing skill they possess to the table and seek to communicate a message that an objective reader would have more clear takeaways rather than additional cognitive-based questions.

I say this with some hesitancy, since I (like most in the Linger family) love to write, speak and otherwise express, and I acknowledge that my own writings could be critiqued in terms of content, grammar, spellings, structure and more – surely arriving to the eyes and ears of any reader with an amount of intrinsic deficits. Our written expressions are inevitably subject to shortcomings based on time constraints, length or brevity, purpose and even human mood states.

Also, there is consideration of personal genre. One who writes might possess better (or differing) skill sets depending on the type of expression. Yet, there are basic elements such as grammar and spelling that one would think well-permeates and leaves a unique mark upon any writer’s works. This thumbprint of sorts would logically exhibit the writer’s understanding and command of their native language, as well as related intellectual, educational, and otherwise spiritual, psychological and emotional components.

I have written things in the past that upon finish, I am not quite sure of logical flow and readability. Yet, I return to the piece years later and am (somewhat) impressed at the cogency of the particular piece.

Likewise, I have written things in the past that upon finish, I (myself) read and follow quite well, yet, I return to the piece years later and find that I could have said things in a more direct or cogent manner. Perhaps in some expressions in time, we are simply too close to a matter or too biased and subjective to critique and edit our own expressions.

Some of my best expressions seem to be those most distilled into poetry.

The linguistics of the poem seem to hold space in human communications in a way no other genre of language rivals.

One of my favorite scenes in Dead Poet Society is when Mr. Keating drives home to his students that the understanding of poetic language, while it can (and is) dissected by the sterile, scientific methods of those who dwell in linguistical fogs, is ultimately an expression existing in some other realm.

Like all verbal expressions, locating the realm of one’s orations goes a long way in our hearing capacities.

In the scene below, I notice how at the needed point (like a parent who steps back and lets go of a child learning to balance themselves on a bike when training wheels have been removed), Mr. Keating lets go of his physical grip upon Todd, seeing that his unconventional teaching method has served its purpose. In the scene, he slowly backs away – kneeling, and then beholding, his student’s winged take-off within the realm of his very own psyche, in what is clearly portrayed as a sacred moment.

I suppose that before I get to the main entre of this piece, I found myself thinking on a statement made in a family writing by my mother’s brother, Robert, that said the (Reed)-Kellogg Grammar Method could be used to “explain the meaning of great poems.” Feeling that one of my main ways of thought seems to reside in deep usage and experience of the poetical, I really paused at that comment, finding it a sterile distillation of a process well-known to myself and fantastically portrayed in the classic film, Dead Poet Society, which stars Robin Williams as a profoundly gifted English/Literature teacher in a sterile and stiff-necked, institutionally religious prep school.

My mother seemed to show glimmers of poetry love though it seemed stunted in its emotional flow. In other readings relating to the Linger family today I found an obituary for her brother, Reuben, which mentioned his frequent quoting from literature/poetry.² In a family group that seems to have a large number of members displaying high intelligences across fields of math, linguistics, music and the arts, I find the subject (and statement) of interest.

“Sometimes the most beautiful poetry can be about simple things, like a cat, or a flower or rain. You see, poetry can come from anything with the stuff of revelation in it. Just don’t let your poems be ordinary. Now, who’s next?”
~ Mr. Keating, Dead Poet Society

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman: ‘O me, o life of the questions of these recurring, of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities filled with the foolish. What good amid these, o me, o life?’ Answer: that you are here. That life exists, and identity. That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”
~ Mr. Keating, Dead Poet Society

Things I Notice and Questions:

The spelling of Kellog Grammar is not correct nor complete in name.
The examples of John’s ability to easily learn seems here to involve intelligence relating to math and forms of linguistics, with a good memory for details, but doesn’t seem indicative of broader intelligences that involve assembling (and re-assembling) and interpreting information, critical and abstract thought processes, innovation and creativity. I mention since it has become a subject of my own interest, as I observe various traits in my own family and that of other families. I had read awhile back that many science-based theories link intelligence more to the mother, rather than the father, although clearly both parents play a part both genetically and environmentally. A quick search brings up a number of resources, some appearing with qualifiers or seeming to contradict. For those interested, this seems at first glance to be a good read: Heredity Theory Says in Males, Intelligence Comes From Mom.
I notice grammatical and spelling errors made by the writer in his usage of compound and hyphenated words, and possibly a preposition (example: was the one-room school ON the creek or AT the creek? Or was it ON “Stone Coal Creek Road?”) and some other details of his own writing abilities. Considering both context and content, I find this a bit ironic or potentially, informative.
I wonder what other history topics my grandfather knew well, apart from details of military battles? For example, was he able to engage in conversations that involved more nuanced understandings of history and crossed over multiple disciplines of thought? Perhaps I am being a bit overly critical for various reasons, but regurgitating details of battles (or anything) without deeper understandings of human behavior (and complicating factors) falls short in my mind of true intelligence. The measures of IQ and especially emotional and other forms of intelligence are a subject of my own interest. On another note, regarding my grandfather, John Rock, I have heard that he was very active politically, though I don’t know any details nor level of involvement/approach.

Things I Notice and Questions:

The writer seems to differentiate between characteristics, qualities and traits (I am not sure I am understanding his approach or reasoning/flow).
In this section, my grandfather is depicted as a very high-energy man in the sense that this was seen as “unusual,” and he is compared in capacity to younger men in terms of his physical abilities.
The image of a school teacher literally running 2-3 miles to a schoolhouse with enough regularity to have it be mentioned here might possibly be seen as quite unusual and I must wonder what other residents and family members thought about him.

Things I Notice and Questions:

In this section are mentions of integrity, and I note that nowhere in the writer’s contribution does he mention Christian (or other) matters of faith as it might guide one’s conscience, life and parenting.

As I read this, I recall the unusual phrase my mother would sometimes tell others regarding herself (her perception of herself): “I’m as honest as Jesus Christ.” I always found that comparison (even prior to my commitment to Christ) as unusual and, uncomfortable. The statement has implications that most people would avoid making, even if in fact, they were an exceptionally honest and transparent person. I must wonder what influence or personal model may have led to my mother thinking about herself in this way, and the answer remains unknown to me.

The next sentence (regarding chewing tobacco) is one that prompts a number of thoughts. First, it seems odd that after a longer paragraph concerning my grandfather’s “honesty” and “truthfulness” we are then informed that there was in fact a discrepancy in his character vs. behavior, along with a discrepancy in his expectations (and control) of other people.

I find this part of particular noteworthiness for a number of reasons. First, the chewing of tobacco (my father did it also, after he stopped smoking, for health reasons) seems to go against the portrayal of my grandfather being a man with such seemingly clean living. Although, perhaps the nicotine helped calm down his “unusual” high energy. Additionally, the phrase “made sure that the children would not use it or smoke” leaves questions in my mind how this played out in real terms.

Did he chew the tobacco in secret? And if so, how did the writer know to include this information?

Given the writer’s portrayal of how strict of a disciplinarian “John Rock” was, along with another family story I heard, this part about chewing tobacco, drinking and gambling leaves a lot of space for questions. Among stories shared among various Lingers, I recall that my grandfather would send the boys out to hunt with one, single bullet and I was told (the specific gist of the words are etched in my mind, though paraphrased ) that they would “have hell to pay if they came home empty-handed.” So logically, I must wonder how John Rock “made sure” the children would not use chewing tobacco, smoke, drink or gamble, given that he himself was a tobacco chewer.

There were a number of times my mother would use forms of physical violence toward me with belts and fly swatters, and I recall now her mentioning the use of (straps or apple switches) by her father. There were words my mother spoke in these times of physical violence (or threats thereof which can be equally damaging) toward me such as “I’ll whip your little ass until it bleeds” which cause me to wonder where my mother may have learned such raging and damaging words.

Additionally, the mention that “John Rock” would never drink or gamble is another statement I find pause-worthy. It is no secret among all the various Linger family members I have ever been in contact with that alcoholism and serious gambling addictions and related financial issues seemed rampant among many of the siblings and even subsequent generations. My mother smoked, but never drank or gambled.

There are contemporary sayings concerning unhealthy parenting such as “Do as I say, not as I do” which I think would be logical ponderance. Certainly, the high rate of problematic behaviors (controlling of others, in particular), addictions and various forms of deep psychological and relational unhealth that seemed to permeate a high number of John Rock’s offspring is worthy of asking: How (or why) did this happen?

Here is where my mind asks a lot of hard questions.

Years back, a family member made a statement along the lines of, “they were dirt poor but thought they were the Vanderbilts.” While I am not entirely sure what was meant by this, I have some partial understanding or impression, perhaps, that they were indeed poor (as were many in that area and time in West Virginia) and many (if not most) of the siblings seemed to have a singular goal: leave Buckhannon, WV in whatever way possible (for some better future), as quickly as possible, and never look back.

This paragraph written by Robert indeed depicts a frugality that was common to many families of that time but I seem to be asking about possible contradictions to this family description. If my grandfather had a small salary (and, a very small house/homestead for a family of that size, as noted in the genealogy book), and clothing was being sent to WV from CA, how did John Rock keep all his accounts paid so promptly?

What were the pressures and expectations within that family system/sibling group in terms of priorities, requirements of various siblings and many other matters? I read in the Linger book that Ora, the oldest of the ten siblings, “helped raise her nine brothers and sisters.” ¹

Knowing just some of the situation in 1923, I have a number of sleuthing questions in mind and in particular, this statement.

While this is common in large families for older children to help with the younger, there are a number of things that leave stark questions in my mind surrounding

1) issues of controlling the choices of others and
2) issues of the treatment/expectations (and possibly proper acknowledgement) of women in the overall system and
3) the condition (and reasons thereof) of my grandmother, Mary Effie.

Considering all that I know of the general state of finances not only in my own life growing up and as it seemed to intersect (for whatever reasons) with my mother’s siblings and their own issues, alongside of hers (my mother managed financial matters in the home, to seemingly terrible distresses and detriments), within several extended family situations of those of the John Curry/Mary Effie offspring/siblings, I find it all a bit puzzling.

While I’m aware that my father’s side of the family, like most families, had its own sets of financial issues and problematic things, one of the best ways to possibly describe what I perceived from childhood onward regarding my mother and her siblings could be well-expressed in this musing I had during my trip to Buckhannon this past summer:

They were like the Hatfields and McCoys
all rolled into one sibling group.

I suppose the deepest puzzling statement in Robert’s writing is the last sentence, regarding the apparent truth that many of the (male) siblings did in fact, continue in higher education and receive various degrees. Acknowledgement is seemingly made here that this was to be credited to the “careful management” of John and Mary. That would indicate that the financial assistance for higher education at least in part was provided to the (male?) children by the parents.

At this point I want to note that my mother’s mother died during her senior year of high school (at age 57, of a stroke) and from various indications, my grandfather’s health was in fast decline and he seemingly could not care for his own self. I have questions in my mind regarding what that involved and the reasons thereof, and how his care was handled/determined within the sibling system. But, I don’t know that I can ever find the answers to what I wonder about.

Since I know my mother’s story (as tenth and last sibling, and possibly/very likely the scapegoat of the entire sibling gang) which involves a quite unfortunate, life-damaging incident my mother experienced (according to her diary, the writer of this piece, Robert, was one of three siblings involved in this permanent damage of my mother’s life and potential outcomes) in 1946 concerning her own pursuit of higher education, I am finding the portrayals of both John Rock and Mary Effie questionable, and worthy of deeper analytic exploration.

In another piece at some point, I want to address my initial interest in hearing through family grapevines that my grandmother was known as a “troublemaker.” I went to West Virginia in July hoping to gain some insight into what that may have meant. I went with bias at that time. Now, my readings, experiences and questioning seems to be leading me into other lines of thought concerning Mary Effie and her possible predicament, personality, character and essential nature.

Sadly, coming to any real truth about such matters may not be fully possible, since it was so very long ago and apparently there seems to be a tremendous code of silence surrounding what one would have imagined highly critical happenings and family history/information. Again, I speak of the overall and particular Linger family situation in 1923. I am reserving my thoughts until I can be sure I have discovered whatever might be possible about that situation. That there is no mention of this thing is astonishing to me.

I must note that in this write-up about my grandfather, the writer (Robert) seems to add in his mother’s contributions in language suggesting afterthought. (“Also, mother worked constantly…” – and BTW I do believe it should be “Also, mother constantly worked…” but, I could be intuitively wrong on this point of grammar…) Yet, language of “Much credit” is employed to describe his grandmother (my great-grandmother Margaret Jane Kennedy, whom my mother was named after) who lived on the west coast during a time period when travel, communications and (likely) shipping of goods would not be commonplace, nor cheap.

Some things are just not adding up. Perhaps, it is because the most glaring piece of family information I have ever heard is conspicuously absent not only in these writings by my mother’s oldest brother, but remains something which I only heard referenced (somewhat) by my mother herself, and an aunt that had married into the Linger family. All these years later, I wish I had asked my mother a tremendous more amount of questions about her first three years of life and when she was returned to the family.

I do recall some of the things she said, but it seemed she didn’t have much to offer concerning talking about her early childhood.

I feel this piece is becoming lengthy, so I am going to break here before resuming my thoughts and comments, at some point, regarding what is written by Robert about his mother, my grandmother (who died when my mother was seventeen-years-old), Mary Effie Carter Linger.