Broken.

In the past four weeks the theme of both broken and especially, breaking, has been in the forefront of my spiritual and cognitive contemplations.

The week of the end of January/beginning of February felt especially significant.

I’m only willing to articulate here the tip of the internal iceberg and summarize that the time period since then has been marked by an intentional cleansing of my home, heart, soul and life of some particular material items that I sensed had representative spiritual attachments of dark strongholds and negative power that I need to break in very specific ways.

No, I wasn’t randomly breaking objects in some fit of emotion. Rather, through a string of events, conversations and contemplations I felt God led me to go even deeper than I had a year ago in this realm.

Deeper than two years ago in this realm.

Deeper than three years ago in this realm.

Deeper than four years ago in this realm.

Deeper than ten years ago in this realm.

Deeper than even eighteen years ago in this realm.

Deeper than twenty years ago in these realms…

This is a realm of experience and thought about some matters that I have only shared with four friends in the more recent particulars. Well, perhaps a fifth friend…to some degree. Have not yet followed up with this woman friend who was part of the beginning of this recent overall spiritual conversation(s)…

It can be hard to discern when it is the Holy Spirit is guiding our thoughts and actions. I think God often works through a unique mixture of stuff.

Sifting through the very normal human emotions and thoughts surrounding difficult things seems to require both soul silence and prayerful listening-processing and (at least for me) externalizing my thoughts with others. It’s a back-and-forth process. Sometimes we need to hear ourselves articulate something aloud or just let trusted friend know what we are thinking/have concluded or are wondering about.

Sometimes I think there is breaking-power in openly sharing something; sometimes, we are wise to keep some aspects of the particulars between us and God, and those we most trust.

The Old Testament seems especially filled with accounts of God-experiences and God-presence that involve unusual interactions with the material world, and stories of God-inspired actions that seemed incomprehensible to observers.

I am the type of Jesus-follower that pays attention at times to various sequences of events or seeming signs that mean something to me within situations. I suppose one person’s “sign” is another person’s observation of a “random, natural event.”

The whole realm of breaking demonic curses and strongholds and discerning schemes of the devil and putting away things with unholy attachments is inarguably subjective.

But, as the fifth friend I had conversed with weeks back (after many years of being out-of-touch) so boldly said some things to me, remarking, “you can know if it was demonic by the outcome of the breaking prayers.” (paraphrased)

While I would be slow to relegate that type of logic to any form of prayer, generally, I do give some space of agreement–especially when my internal experience of things has a good amount of uncanny, external validations.

When we listen to Psalms and other scriptural mentions of battle metaphor, it surely can be difficult to apply to the unseen things in our lives today, in the year 2023. It seems to require a lot of sensitivities.

I think that as in many faith matters, we may never know cause-and-effect for certain. And for good reason. We don’t want the intimate relational mysteries within our personal relationship with Jesus to rest upon some method of proof or especially, exact replication of unique experiences in our life or the lives of others.

I had quite an unusual experience on Sunday afternoon, while a friend was visiting me. There were two packages that were delivered on my porch February 2, together. Both were in Amazon Prime boxes. I had ordered garden pots/seeds and had assumed my order was split into two boxes. I set them aside and did not open them immediately.

My friend and I were sitting outside on a warm day, and she was going to help me fill the pots and start seedlings. I opened the smaller package first and was shocked at the contents.

It was a romantic gift, without any enclosure as to whom sent the item. The other box contained my pots (and the seeds had come in a mailer a different day).

I had a number of immediate thoughts, especially given that the theme of the past two weeks has been continued cleansing of my home of particular objects I newly sensed could be bringing a source/connection to continued spiritual battles/strife/feelings within realms of my personal life (and that of my sons, as well). I feel like things that affect(ed) me inherently affect them, to some degree, in the unseen realms.

On Sunday, February 5 I had intentionally and prayerfully broken one item in particular that I sensed might be a stronghold involving a certain situation. Just one week later, during an evening church service, I was stunned (and in tearful joy!) to receive some texts/photos that felt like a huge breakthrough and provided hope to me.

Last week, while in Delaware, there were three particular things I took there that had multiple histories between five to twenty years. I needed to do something with these items. Another friend had shared something she read that, “your new life is going to cost you your old life.” These three items had spiritual attachments to them and I dealt with them.

I had thought to include a pair of satin green shoes, too, and forgot–but the Sunday afternoon events helped me remember (as I searched my closet for shoes to wear to church and saw that pair). My friend witnessed me calmly/matter-of-factly taking them out to my trash can.

But, back to this anonymously sent romantic gift. I had a number of thoughts going through my mind surrounding the possibility of who might (or might not) have sent me such a thing, and why. I attempted to track it through Amazon that afternoon and they had no info relating to any numbers on the package.

While I’m fairly certain where it came from (for several reasons) it would not matter if it had been addressed from Wormwood or had some other heart-breaking or otherwise understandable entirely human motives/intentions…it was the nature of the thing itself and the uncanny timing of it all that made me know that the thing had but one eventual destiny.

A total of 107 minutes and five different calls to Amazon (one Sunday and four today), reading off numbers on the top label, then soaking the labels to see numbers on the label under the top label, revealed that the package was not actually sent from Amazon. It seems that the sender used an Amazon Prime box to repackage the item, and USPS did not receive info on the sender’s identity.

The basic tracking info shown below reveals an uncanny thing that only I would notice. This package was delivered on Groundhog Day (February 2) which has associations to me, but, more specifically, the time of delivery was 11:11 a.m.

Many years ago someone told me that they kept seeing “ones” everywhere (there are some who think the phenomenon of randomly seeing digital ones on microwaves, clocks and phone screens means that things in the universe are aligned in your favor, etc) and it was giving them a great sense of peace and confirmation that a situation was, basically, in some sense divine and meant to be.

I found the idea interesting at that time and seemingly as harmless as my tendency to want to interpret seeing birds (dead or alive) at certain moments of thought/cares as some type of comforting sign from Jesus to me. Historically humans looks to nature–rainbows in the sky, for example–as having some type of meaning. In retrospect, I am noting the ascribing this to digital numbers is unnatural (as in, inorganic) in a sense–and while I would never discount God working through some thing–I think I’ve had my fill of contemplating ones.

At one point (no pun intended) between mid 2019 and on into the past couple years (I have increasingly not concerned myself with this) I seemed to experience a high amount of seeing “ones” at unusual times. For example, if I was particularly upset over something or particularly feeling I should go in a certain direction in something…and I’d pick up my phone–after unlocking the screen I would notice that the time was 11:11 or 1:11 a.m. or p.m. (And no, I wasn’t waiting for that time nor expecting it! It was just an odd thing I began to notice.)

It felt puzzling and strangely weird, given the source of my initial introduction to this idea. I actually started screen-shotting and sticking them into a computer folder for some reason…just periodically I’d transfer/sort my various screenshots–saving/deleting. It’s been well over a year since I actively gave it that kind of thought. And, one thing I intend to do yet tonight (again, no pun intended!) is to find and delete that whole folder.

Whatever that particular thing is, I reject it.

If I hadn’t seen with my own eyes the time stamp on the package tracking of this most unusual thing, I would not have otherwise had these thoughts I suppose. As they say, some stuff is so strange you can’t make it up. Which leads me to wonder just what kind of universe are we dealing with, in terms of how demonic activity manifests itself.

I especially, in retrospect, note the sequence/concurrence of a variety things. I ask myself (and look back) on things like:

When was this package likely mailed? (I would guess around January 30th or thereabouts)
What God was doing within my world, and within various sequences of thoughts/prayers/interactions during that time period?

So yesterday (the second day of my friend’s visit) we were talking again about this thing in a variety of ways, and she casually observed, “it looks like the rose from Beauty and the Beast.”

It was simply a casual remark–she was mostly listening to me and was only involved in this unplanned scenario because it happened to unfold over three weeks after the box was delivered, while she was visiting. As I see it, God had a reason for that…I believe in some combination of free will synergizing with some form of divine ordering of certain things. I don’t want to get too far into the weeds on that, but simply put, I believe there was some mysterious reason why I never thought twice that those two Amazon packages that were delivered together were anything but my order around that time split into two shipments.

During the past three weeks I’ve looked at the boxes (out in my shop building) numerous times thinking, “I should open them” and “I really should start my seedlings.”

I even moved them to a table Friday night while cleaning up and tried to slice open with some nearby dull tool not suited. I walked away thinking, “I need my utility knife from upstairs.”

But no. Instead, this friend was sitting next to me when I made the bizarre discovery. And her ability to notice that it looked like the domed rose that represented a curse in the story of Beauty and the Beast might not have otherwise come to my attention. There’s a lot of movie/film images that stick in my mind (believe me!) but that one is not high on my Top Ten or even Top One Hundred.

As soon as she said that, something additional happened inside me in terms of certainty of my needful response.

Beauty and the Beast. A curse. Wow. (We actually decided to watch the more recent movie from 2017, that evening…I wanted a refresher on the storyline).

Sure enough, one can see a very similar Beauty and the Beast rose dome on Amazon.

But, this thing was sent to me.

This thing, possibly associated with a curse (whether knowingly or not by whomever selected/sent it to me), came to me during a time period when I was specifically ridding my home/possession of items with certain attachments for the purpose of breaking spiritual curses and possible demonic strongholds that have affected me and my sons, directly or indirectly, within a certain time span of years.

How could this be?

Being the movie/story geek I am, of sorts, I wondered when that tale was written, by whom, and are there alternate endings? Since a college class I had that made me aware that certain fairy tales/stories emerge multi-culturally with similar themes/different details, I’ve had interest in this idea.

Are there alternate versions to Beauty and the Beast? Actually according to one source browsed, there are seven variations on the story.¹

I mean, it’s a common idea that a woman can tame the beast out of a man, or has a unique ability to see past outward ugly appearances of all sorts into his beautiful soul…as I see it, it is either a manifestation of some deep dysfunction (they believe the best despite evidence to the contrary) or a manifestation of some deep and true gifting.

I suppose it depends on the true nature of the beast, as one might say (pun intended).

So, I pondered…might there be some alternate version of this tale where the Prince eventually reverts back to the beast? Because in 2023, one might find a plethora of pop-or-real psychology books on this idea. When my kids watched this Disney tale, I really didn’t think too deeply about the storyline. In fact, I was still blurring it possibly with the Hunchback of Notre Dame tale, though unclear.

And then there’s some other tale where a princess kisses a frog…right? As they say, nothing is new under the sun.

I did note that the beginning of the story seems to be that the man outwardly became what he was inside…but…somewhat like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day…he was transformed over time by a woman. Belle connects with the “Beast” in a way that spells true love…and as in all fairy tales there is a happily ever after.

I like the idea of happily ever after as much as any other woman–or man–but the possibility exists that some never enter the promised land whether because of something within them, or something within something else. I am well-acquainted with such confusing and painful losses and griefs.

While the visual/literal association to this movie seems (somewhat) spiritually and otherwise significant to me, I wouldn’t want to get too caught up in literal paralleled details of any sort. I’m ready to talk about the next aspect of this thing that was sent to me by some unknown person.

I admit, it sort of enticed me, in part. It enticed me in the sense that I like flowers and lighted things. It was like a temptation, I suppose. The thought of breaking it troubled me on several levels.

The most troubling aspect was pondering the possible thought process that whomever sent this to me may (or may not) have had. It was filled with a spectrum of thought and emotions and felt head-messing…like being sucked into quicksand.

Speaking of light…and spectrum...

Sunday evening I had photographed the box and sent to another friend, telling her about this thing. I was as shocked to notice the vivid rainbows the irridescent box produced as I was to have noticed the delivery time being 11:11 a.m. on Groundhog Day. I love rainbows–they are God’s sign of Hope. In fact, I love them so much and so wanted to believe in Hope and Happily-Ever-Afters that for some reason, that become the theme of one of my marriage ceremonies. I literally wore a rainbow veil and had a friend make a white dress with a rainbow sash on it.

I just really like rainbows…and I’ve painted them a number of times!

I did notice that this thing had a battery compartment and upon closer inspection, realized it might light up. Hmmm…find three Triple A’s and what would happen?

Would it light up red like one of the similar rose products on Amazon? Let’s see…

Oh. Oh dear. Oh dear…it feels like rainbow colors…this thing anonymously sent me (that strongly looks like the domed rose/curse object from Beauty and the Beast) that arrived on my porch at a certain date and time, during a time period when I was actively breaking/disposing of objects that might have bad soul-ties/bad-mojo as some would say…actually…it lights up…with “almost” all colors in the rainbow.

OK. I’ve made a lot to-do over this thing. There’s a lot I suppose I don’t know about a lot of things.

I just know that I must do what I must do.

“For I know the plans I have for you,”
declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)