The “Religious Doctrine” of ‘Holding Space’

I think I probably began hearing phrases such as hold ‘space,’ give ‘space,’ make ‘space for‘–or that someone is not in ‘that space right now’ to hear such and such–probably somewhere around 2015.

I enjoy language, and words that seem to create good mental images or articulate exactly what one wants to say intrigue me. At first, I thought the phrase innocuous, and even useful. But now, for various reasons, I intentionally avoid the phrase “hold space” as much as possible.

Religious movements have their own linguistics, and I hope to challenge readers who might use the term “holding space” to think twice about what they mean and why they are adopting this linguistic, rather than saying the same thing in traditional ways. If after consideration, you still feel that regularly or occasionally using the term is exactly what you want to convey, then, I respect that.

I just want to help others understand where the term originated, how others have co-opted it for a number of agendas, and how I believe that in many of these spheres it is now a form religious terminology even for those who claim a disbelief in God.

The quasi-religious idea of “holding space” has taken on a life of its own. It is now a thing.

And it is not only a thing, but it is a thing that has morphed into the idea of holding ‘safe’ space(s). The continued push for society to conform to the pathologies of the few and the increasingly powerful has taken the linguistic a bit further. We are now not to just hold space for someone (whatever that now means), but if people feel threatened by the mutual space in which others hold for them, or others that hold different views, wants, needs and desires, they can now escalate things by saying “I feel unsafe around you,” or “this is not a safe space.”

Slowly, systems that have always been needful institutions to help protect society and truly create ‘safe spaces‘ for that which humans have generally agreed upon for decades, if not centuries (ex. schools, churches, child protective services, legal systems), are being infiltrated by those bent on implementing extremely damaging and unsafe thinking, policies and material services.

As I see it, the terms “holding space” and “safe place” are now virtue signals or linguistic buzzwords utilized to implement this new political religion. And naturally, the ideas embraced by an adherent to a religion spill out into every other personal and family relationship. The expectations of such an unseen, unidentified, covert religion can be exhausting to the average person who is simply seeking the things that have to this point in human history seemed normal and did not require one to walk on eggshells.

I think of how I’ve found myself oddly criticized about the way I “hold space” and I’ve taken note of the way this concept and phrase has be weaponized toward others as well. The hypocrisy of it all is jaw-dropping.

And these things, coupled with other observations of this new linguistic, makes me begin to wonder if the demand and trend to hold space is not a mutual expectation.  And that’s a problem, as I see it. 

Any challenge to the current ideologies are now linguistically labeled and virtue-signaled as being “unsafe” and there is emphasis left-and-right to creating “safe spaces”. Even our social work system has been corrupted toward viewing parents who actually parent (rather than to comply with the systematic destruction of their child) as unsafe.  I had recently read where a teacher stated that her job was to “protect children” and sometimes “they needed protection from their parents”. But this was not in the normal sense of protection from traditional abuse but that parents who would not comply with gender ideology were somehow unsafe.

Upon researching where the term “hold space” originated, I learned that term came from a blogger Heather Platt in a book she wrote in 2015. I’m sure she’s a lovely person and the original intent of her term or expression good and innocuous, but we should take notice of how quickly and extensively it has permeated our culture.

I don’t think that I am off base at calling out (okay now I will use yet another current trending linguistic term) the way that the words holding space are being co-opted and taking on a life of their own. And I don’t think that I am off base in noticing a connection in this language to other social movements and agendas.

There is nothing new under the sun and the term holding space (in its best sense) is basically a new linguistic to describe being a loving, kind and caring, decent person. 

However, I’ve seen it first-hand used in a variety of terrible ways and if one were to turn these terrible situations over and closely examine the darker unloving, unkind and uncaring underbelly of persons and agendas touting this mantra, it would blow this phrase right into the pit where it belongs.

And my response to the entirety of all of this is a phrase that has seemingly gone to the wayside over the years, but I believe is due some sort of resurrection: Have you no shame?

~Written March 3 to June 3
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