The Guy Told Me, “You Don’t Eat Your Friends”

In case there are some of my friends/readers who are morbidly curious (that’s a joke) whether I ever think of wanting to meet a man who might qualify as the truly “Mr. Right” of my life after all I’ve been through…yes…I do think about it but unfortunately for a lot of reasons, not enough to plunge me on to some dating site. While I don’t like the idea of growing old alone, at this point my standards and what I would want in a partner are quite high and quite particular.

Anyway, this is just an end-of-the-day musing on something mildly funny that happened earlier today and some of my surrounding ruminations. I suppose there is something in me that still wonders…if it were to happen, how would it come about?

Tonight, I was arranging with some man in Harrisburg to pick up some building materials listed for free. I can swing by tomorrow on my way back from a gig north of there. While I have no idea whom I was messaging with other than they were responsive and polite there was a passing thought (as I imagined potential conversation since I plan to show up with a circular saw in my painted-up art van, in case the wood is longer than fits) of what if this chance encounter might turn out to be with a Christian man who finds me interesting!

Then, my thoughts went back to two encounters at Home Depot this past week. A few days ago I was in for some bundles of 8-foot 1-by’s (I think that’s the correct term…you know…those flimsy long stakes). I wanted someone to get down two bundles of fifteen each. They are cheap and down to $1.09 each if I bought 30.

There’s a middle-aged man that works there I often encounter. He’s loaded heavy stuff in my van before and helped find me hardware. He’s mild mannered, pleasant and, for a middle-aged man attractive. Gives me the impression of a handy guy and laid back. So there’s a part of me that enjoys when I see his familiar face, though this really is nothing but “what if” that is purely in my imagination. Who knows, maybe he’s married but I don’t think he has a ring.

And he was the one I first saw to flag down for help in the lumber department. I’m sure by now he recognizes my face, too.

But just because a middle-aged seemingly nice guy might not be married doesn’t mean I would have any real interest in them. But sometimes I fear that at a low point in periodic loneliness, I might compromise somehow. Meet someone who just wants to go out for coffee, and then find myself sucked in to something I really don’t want. I don’t ever want to be unequally yoked again.

Then, this afternoon as I unlocked the rear of the van (again in the Home Depot parking lot) and only had two 2 x 4’s to load, I noticed another middle-aged employee coming out the door and seeming to make a straight beeline for me and my vehicle. At first I thought he must just be getting off work, he’s just walking fast out into the parking lot.

I’ve conversed with this guy before and again today he was wearing a covid mask. Sometime last year I actually had heavy stuff needing assistance in the parking lot and flagged him down and then felt bad. He told me he was recovering from covid and his strength wasn’t up to par, but he insisted he could help and I worked on loading too.

And today, this same guy was coming toward me. And I barely had anything on the cart to load. Usually you cannot find help too easily at the Home Depot. I hadn’t even requested help.

He called out, “What kind of creative projects are you doing now?” I mean, my van is memorable. As he reached the vehicle and saw the palettes inside, he asked what I was doing with them. He began loading the two 2 x 4’s, asking if it was OK for them to go through the middle toward the dash.

I paused, and thought of a simple way to explain the palettes:

“I have two sheep. They are females. About a month ago I got a male for breeding. And, I’ve made a palette fence to expand their grazing area. And now, I’m finishing an enclosure around my blueberries, so they won’t eat them.”

I gave him some version of that.

He said, “Oh, so you are building a sheep pen.”

We had a conversation about sheep and I mentioned they were Katahdin sheep. He asked if that was a country. I explained they were “hair sheep” and the difference between wool sheep and hair sheep. He asked what I was going to with them–what are they good for?

I explained they are good for meat and I think he said, “So you are going to butcher him?”

I said, “Probably, after he’s done his job.”

He said something like, “Yeah, you don’t eat your friends!”

I must admit, as I drove away it was a little “pick-me-up” flattering that I actually think he wanted to talk to me. It was all pleasant and he wished me a good day.

But that doesn’t mean there is any probability this guy might be someone God has for me (and me for them). In fact, I don’t know what God has for me.

I do know that twice I did not find my husbands within my faith community, but, they came into my faith community through me, in some sense. One twenty-year marriage and two sons, and then an eight-year failed second marriage.

At this point, I must take the view that Jesus is essentially (like) my “husband.” There is scriptural basis for all believers being as “Christ’s bride” but I believe there is also some basis to view our Lord as our “husband” in a sense, on a personal level. My life is to Him in a way that it has not been at other times in my life journey. It can be quite humanly lonely at times–yet He meets me with an abiding sense of His presence in various ways.

After my first divorce I thought that it is better to be single and alone, than to be married to the wrong person. Yet, my second marriage with the hopes I held for him and I and especially, for the potential of a merging of our children into one happy blended family turned into something far from the happily-ever-after I had taken a second risk on.

It was a huge risk, and now, I’m in a certain place in life where I can only get through each day and have many fears for the future as I age, alone.

__________

To be honest, I’m probably a handful of sorts! It would take a very special someone to love and truly appreciate me as I am, for who I am and what I have to offer. Being equally yoked in a number of ways can never again be compromised. Even two Christians may not be equally yoked. My standards and desires for what a partnership–even perhaps a ministry of common purpose/vision–is deeply based in Christ and in desire for the right mutual companionship. And it seems so very particular in qualities–this loosely imagined person–that I am not going to hold my breath that God brings it to pass.

And so, I do hold out a “someday maybe” hope, but I will wait on God and in the meantime, listen for and seek to commune with Him.

__________

One of my favorite chick-flicks has always been the 1998 “You’ve Got Mail.” I learned this past holiday it is based on a sweet, classic 1940 Jimmy Stewart film, “The Shop Around the Corner.” As I watched that, I quickly recognized the very similar plot. Google confirmed that the popular movie with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan was in fact a remake of that film. (And, I read that the 1949 film “In the Good Old Summertime” is a remake of “The Shop Around the Corner.” I’d like to see that one, too.)

Anyway, there’s part of me that identifies with aspects of the Meg Ryan’s character. She’s a free spirit of sorts–playful, determined, and a just a bit (ha ha) “high maintenance.” There’s a lot of great scenes in this rom-com, but I think of two at the moment. The scene where Tom Hanks is at the gym on a treadmill watching Meg Ryan’s character on TV campaigning against the expansion of his book store strikes me as quite funny.

He’s says something to his friend on the treadmill as he is watching her on the TV and he says to the Tom Hanks character, “You mean you KNOW her?”

He says something like, “YEAH, and she’s not as nice as she seems…she’s a REAL PILL!”

And of course we all love the sweet scene at the end where he shows up in the park with his dog and she looks at him from afar with surprise, and he casually shrugs his hands upward, hoping she will still come to him and as though to welcome her, as she is contemplating her incongruent, conflicting thoughts.

Aww.