Pondering a Word a Friend Used Today to Describe Something…

January 29, 2025

It’s been one of those days.

One of those days where I feel so deeply defeated, and so weary like I’m just about down for the count on the metaphorical wrestling mat, so-to-speak…

Nothing particularly unusual happened today.

It was just another of the same…same…same string of days and months and years of these kinds of struggles…only today it just really got to me.

The day started with intensity of feelings and thoughts, and those things have hung over me like a hurricane all day, as I’ve struggled to accomplish something–anything–more than just emotionally processing the things weighing upon me. Five basic components of the sum total of my current distresses.

And I should have been more encouraged I suppose…since there were two other interactions with friends early in the day that I recognized as positive, yet, I couldn’t shake my weights. The rays of sunshine there were not fully penetrating the dark cloud enveloping me.

Very late this afternoon as I was in the middle of answering an email, my phone rang and it was an old friend I go way back with who now lives in another state. We periodically touch base. She was one of eight people who sent me a Christmas card this year and I had made a small little calligraphy print on matteboard and sent to each of these people, with a little message on the back for 2025.

She had just received it today, and she wanted to thank me and say how much she appreciated it and the message came at just the right time.

This friend has a lot of past experience as a business person, and in a business somewhere in the realm of mine but not exactly.

She caught me at a very intense, stressed time and as we got into conversation and I was updating her on some things (we last talked back in early December) I gave her an example of an idea that I have imagined as I continue my attempt at problem-solving what I consider to be very fixable problems, if only…

After listening to the gist of my idea, she said that it was a great idea, and then used a certain word.

She said, “You have a very sophisticated idea there.”

In the context of the conversation, I received that as a compliment. She was following my idea very much so, and as she has been an innovative, successful business woman for many years, I “heard” that she “heard” my idea and was affirming that it was indeed, a great idea.

But then, she made a comment why it probably wouldn’t work.

And in part (or possibly more than I would like to articulate), I agree.

And that just adds to my sense of discouragement.

Her comment why it wouldn’t work had nothing to do with the worthiness of my idea, nor its “sophistication” in the business sense of the word (which I believe is what she meant).

I’m just not sure I’m capable of conveying the idea to the people that might potentially be interested and in a position to help, and who would benefit from the idea if the vision could be communicated.

I’m not sure my ability in that arena is nearly as “sophisticated” as my seemingly-ongoing plethora of good ideas…

Yet, all it takes is God helping me convey it to the right people, who would have insight into why the idea was in fact, both do-able “if”–and a sophisticated idea worthy of their thinking it through with me.

I remain discouraged, however. Because I feel like I’ve been banging my head against brick walls for so very long with string after string of “sophisticated” ideas that seem to go nowhere. Unless of course, I simply do these things for free. Which I have in fact, done before a number of times…to benefit others.

I’m just really frustrated, because I want to thrive, too. These kinds of ideas I come up that would help turn the tide of my situation are the kinds of ideas others would need, to some degree, to go to bat for me, too.

And it only adds to my weights the feeling that this is probably not possible…that others would not have enough care and interest to go to bat to help me.

Thanks for reading my nebulous ponderings tonight…I’m going to take a hot bath and turn in quite early.

And hope that tomorrow is a more positive day.

I needed to look up the word sophisticated for its nuances…it’s just not a word in my own vocabulary. I think she meant that my idea was in the #2 definition-realm:

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