Sitting here on a Friday night contemplating a number of things, as I continue working on a project.
It’s a little hard to get the words out of my mind that a young man in his early 30’s–a current customer–sent me by text.
He had written, “Made me tear up but in a good way. My beautiful mom.”
His mother passed away this past January after a longer illness. He contacted me to preserve a sampling of flowers that he, his wife and young sons had taken from her casket at her funeral.
This afternoon, I had sent him a photo of some of the flowers laying against a lilac fabric, with the various momentos including a photo of him dancing with his mother, face to face, at his wedding. I wanted him to tell me whether he preferred the lilac I had selected which matched his mother’s dress in the photo, or whether a tan would be better. He said to go with the lavender and it is really beautiful…and then followed my “Ok!” with the above text.
It’s always an honor to be part of helping someone creatively honor someone who deserves honor.
Of course, this makes me wonder how my own sons might think of me one day when I’m gone. And whether they consider me beautiful, or otherwise.
So then I thought of another male customer I had many years ago.
I knew this man as an acquaintance–a neighbor of sorts–and one day he contacted me about 20-ish years ago and said he wanted to bring something by for me to do in calligraphy.
When he showed up, he had a birthday card for his mother’s 80th or 90th birthday–it was definitely a milestone. It was a beautiful card, but he explained how he really felt about his mother, and showed me a very passive-aggressive, mean-spirited message he wanted to hire me to write “in my very best calligraphy.”
That’s really about all I recall of it–the actual words have long slipped from out of my mind. And I wonder now what kind of effect those words had on his mother, and since she is likely deceased by now, how this man who would probably be a bit older than myself by now, is feeling about that act.
I recall my discomfort at accepting payment and writing that. I was a single mom, and of course I needed money, and I knew the man and didn’t want to be confrontive. Plus, there was no disclaimer on my business card, website or in my studio that I didn’t do certain types of projects. After reading about the situation with a cake shop that got in the news awhile back, and another case where a Christian web template designer refused to work with a client who wanted her to adapt her product to objectionable content, I came up with the statement found on my “About” page on my website.
Its seems reasonable:
A Note About My Products and Services:
I offer my products and professional services in a spirit of love and respect to anyone.
I reserve the right to decline any custom project/professional service which I believe to be obscene, hate-based, inflammatory, or would otherwise require me to violate my beliefs/values/speech, rendering me unable to benefit the client.
But twenty years ago, I do recall having a conversation with this man, and he shared his reasons for believing his mother was basically a selfish person, and why she deserved this type of birthday card on her milestone birthday. Who knows, perhaps it was “legit.” Maybe she was “that awful.”
But…..
I do remember talking about some of my feelings with my own mother, and her death, and how that affected me. Relationships surely can be complicated, but, it takes a lot of intentionality of communication to do certain things. I believe the man told me he had terrible writing or something, or he’d do it himself.
Just thinking about all this here on a Friday night.
The writing by Kahlil Gibran comes to mind, which says that children are like arrows shot into the future. They travel to places we can never ever go…since typically they outlive us. We cannot go there, nor know whether they consider our face beautiful or with contempt, once we are gone. We cannot go there, even in our dreams…
On Children
Kahlil Gibran1883 –
1931
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
From The Prophet (Knopf, 1923). This poem is in the public domain.
(Above) My version of “On Children” listed in My Etsy Store
Sometimes, I’ve wondered if I should ever find myself in a situation where either of my sons actually had a wedding and there was any typical custom of mother-son dance, what would I select? I’m going to assume that the mother gets to select the song at such an event? I wouldn’t know, since I’ve never been in that situation. I only know that one of my friends seemed to have been asked to select a song when her son got married…as I recall…loosely.
It made me wonder what I would select…and I think if it was ever my oldest son the piece below is what I’d select. At least in my imagination…
Thank You For Reading
Please Feel Free To Express Your Thoughts Below
