In recent times, a friend sent me a meme, “You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.”
When I say a friend, I mean, truly, a friend. This friend is one who has provided comfort to me in difficult times, and hopefully I have provided the same, to her. There is a beautiful quotation about friendship which says:
“A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” – Dina Maria Craik
In Chapters 4 and 5 of Job, we are able to see how Job’s friends handled the pouring out of the contents of his heart. As I read this, and also reflect on occasional experiences in my own life, I think about those encounters with people you have expected to be some type of loving Rock, someone one logically turned to in a time of crisis and distress, pouring out the contents of one’s heart, as Job did in Chapter 3, because there was a perceived trust.
I think trust begins with a belief – (and what is or should that be based on?) – that another person is safe, empathetic and capable of not only properly interpreting one’s spoken words and emotions, but more importantly, capable of reading between the lines.
In my best friendships, when one of us pours out, the other seems able or at least tries (sometimes, there are no words) to latch on and grab the expressed pain or distress, if even for a moment, and respond to it. I am a work in progress, as we all are, and I have one friend that provided such balm one time when, from within busy-ness and their own overwhelm, they had read/browsed a message I sent and took just a moment to say something along the lines of…“I will get back to you…but I just want to acknowledge the piercing of this person’s words to you…”
The word acknowledge, after receiving this from that friend, is a word I’ve tried to adopt into my own vocabulary when I engage with someone who is pouring out to me. I remember how powerful that word was to me, that one word that communicated, I see this…I see it with my own eyes…and, I see your pain. And, I care.
Maybe Job’s friends didn’t have good models to learn how to comfort another with words, or even with silence. But, I do marvel at how quickly they found specific words of specific questioning and accusation to unleash a nest of hornets at Job. In Chapter 6, he refers to these words as arrows. It seemed like as soon as Job fully spoke, they were waiting, armed with their specially crafted assault weapons.
How long had they been stockpiling these arms?
Have you ever had the experience of knives being hidden in one’s overt seemingly kind and helpful words? In Ephesians 6:16 it is written, “In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;”
I think we need a recap thus far of Job Chapters 1-3:
- In Chapter 1, the scenario groundwork for this entire event in Job’s life is revealed to us. But, as we read on, do we tend to let this initial fact be lost on us? Do the waters begin to muddy so that we forget the most basic premise of this encounter Job has with his three “friends?”
- In Chapter 1, Satan is essentially seeking Job’s full destruction. But, God puts boundaries upon Job’s enemy. Job’s enemy is also our enemy. Scripture tells us in a number of ways, that we have a spiritual enemy not of flesh and blood, that seeks our full destruction in every possible way.
- In Chapter 1, Satan brings forth events in Job’s life.
- In Chapter 2, Satan continues his assaults, and we see that Job’s own wife is the first to speak in compliance to the enemy’s agenda for Job. She is the very first person who invites Job to an argument…or maybe I should rephrase it…puts him on the defense. She says, “Do you still hold fast your integrity?” (vs. 9 RSV)
- Chapter 3 is where Job opens his mouth in a new way. Previously, his words were like the trickling of a little creek or small capillary. But now, he pours out like a rolling river, like a gushing artery.
Picking Up With Chapter 4-5
Eliphaz the Temanite is the first to invite Job to defend himself from continued verbal assaults. In other words, if Job directly answers back (and unfortunately, he does, in Chapter 6), he has then given his metaphorical “rsvp“ to this argument, of sorts. And in doing this, he provides them more fodder for subsequent invitations to arguments. At the end of each piece in this series I am keeping tally of the word count, since my guess is that it will show a pattern of exponential increase of words.
When I read through these two chapters, the first thing I take note of is Chapter 4, vs 12-17. He describes that a word was brought to him stealthily, it was whispered in his ear amidst other thoughts during the night time. He says a spirit glided past his face, causing the hair of his flesh to stand up. He says he could not discern its appearance but a form was before his eyes, and this form, spoke to him.
I am not theologically, linguistically or hermeneutically equipped to say with any certainty but my reading of these translated texts immediately make me wonder if Eliphaz is somehow receiving demonic fuel and words with which to carry out Satan’s plan. Like all of us at times, we say things to others that we should not, and, of course, whether this is intentional/unintentional and regardless of the genesis of where these thoughts and speaking arise, the end result to others can be quite devastating and wounding.
Since I read this entire dialogue from the starting point lens of Satan’s goal in Chapter 1, it is hard for me to read words like “stealthily” and descriptions of a spirit gliding past one’s face causing a kind of fear and dread that causes the hair of his flesh to stand up, and not think of some demonic entity. This is not my experience nor my understanding of how the Spirit of the God of the Bible operates. While I am not one to look for the demonic under every rock, there are some situations that do give one pause…
I am certain one could research this passage more and gain a better understanding and solid basis for its interpretation. A brief search brought up this link, and I also, have trouble understanding past vs. 16 who it is that is speaking or being quoted.
What is Eliphaz explaining in Job 4:12-21?
Fortunately, there is no mystery that the entire book of Job seems to invite us to see the demonic under every rock! How else could we read any of the forty-one Chapters that follow the opening scene in Chapter 1, but from this view? I’ve been on the receiving end of enough gaslighting, manipulation and intimidation that I find this book fascinating. Perhaps I am reading more into this narrative than was intended, but, perhaps, I simply have radar to detect what was going on here and to empathize with poor Job.
Personally, I should have learned years ago to flee perplexity. Flee those whom we become entangled with that distress us in an ungodly way. I should have learned, the web is so complicated that no amount of dialogue – or even therapy – will ever reveal the snares and the assaults. That is because, they are so personally crafted! But of course, the rub is, these type of relationships are inherently difficult to untangle ourselves from, because they are not with personal strangers, but with those we may be intimately connected to in various ways. And that is exactly what makes it all so difficult and painful.
Psalm 41:9 comes to mind, as I contemplate Job’s encounter with his three friends:
“Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me.”
A contemporary poem also came to mind – just one line – a poem that is beautiful and I actually love. But this line, if understood from another view, might better highlight what I’m trying to say. The poem by ee cummings ends with “nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands…”
Meaning, some people have such small hands they can reach into the beautiful rose of our innermost being in a life-giving way that not even the rain drops can penetrate. Conversely, some people have such small hands they can reach into one’s soul with the spirit of death.
I think this thought is worth holding as we read through Job and walk through life. Job’s friends seemed to have very small hands. The reason I believe Satan used these three Comforters to further torment Job is because he knew of their small hands.
Again, I ask, who were these people and where did they come from? All we are told is they were his friends, and they had somehow heard of Job’s misfortunes and distresses, and had come (from afar?) to sit with him. Initially, they seemed to make the appropriate response. As long as Job remained virtually silent, speaking within their expectations for that which is proper and called for in that situation, they seemed to have no sanctions to lay upon him, no further weights for which he must deal with.
Because surely, they weren’t there, apparently, to blow away any of Job’s chaff with a breath of kindness.
What do you think a therapist would have suggested that Job consider during whatever pause time existed in this narrative story, at the end of Chapters 4-5?
Surely, there was “a lot to unpack,“ as we currently might say in this day and age, in the content of Eliphaz’ words, pronouncements, interpretations and questions to Job.
Based on my own experiences here and there with different situations and people and working through these in therapy (and with trusted friends) at times, I’m guessing if Job went to a contemporary therapist or another friend, they might ask him,
- “This sounds like if you respond, it won’t be helpful. So, why do you want to keep engaging?”
- “What do you hope to gain from dialogue?”
As I read the density of this entire book and dialogue, it feels to me like even one single statement could produce endless back and forths. When questions are posed, when things are implied, when facts are skewed, when others misquote us back to ourselves or twist the intention of our words and actions, it is only natural to want to defend ourselves from such violent assaults and to even point out non-subjective truths.
Yes, there is a violence in words sometimes.
Clearly Job was pierced by words – as words surely must have been Satan’s ultimate weapon that God permitted him free reign to use upon his servant, Job. The outward assaults came quickly in Chapter 1 as we read of wave after wave of things going from bad to worse in a series of devastating losses. But, the book of Job goes on for forty-one more Chapters, with no additional outward assaults (that I recall) of physical and personal losses and deep griefs or bodily sores and physical pain.
What we see here is a War waged with words.
But as with assaultive – accusatory words either spoken to us by individuals or by groups, nations, etc toward others, I must wonder, does the speaker truly believe the baseless nonsense they are speaking? Or, do they know that their assaults and accusations are baseless, or twisted apart from context, exaggerated and even distorted through their own wounded lens – yet for some reason they are compelled? I think of the verse that says that the tongue is a fire, lit by hell itself.
“The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
James 3:6
We all have known, as individuals, the pain of ill-spoken words and ill-judgments. Like flaming arrows from hell itself, their intent is aggression, destruction and damage to our inner world. Aggression is often disguised in various ways, with the most aggressive of these assaults from our Comforters being their utilization of intimate acquaintance with us and our stories and personhood to form their crafted weapons.
And, in our larger world, we also see on a collective basis the many other socio-politico-cultural Wars waged with words. Just read headlines…listen to rhetoric. Listen for the underlying, empowering demonic voices that seek our lives and the lives (spiritual, physical and otherwise) of those we love.
When we are listeners, we hear the personal assaults. We, like Job, think that there might be something we can say to counteract the arrows. To take the sharp tip or poison dart off these weapons…to turn them, like swords, into plowshares…that we might find one another in arguments, and somehow, negotiate empathy and not only truce, but, a relationship of allegiance. I think of the verse that faithful are the wounds of a friend. Sure, sometimes, our friends tell us hard things. But first, we must know beyond any doubt that they are friend and not foe, that they “have our back” and aren’t just seeking expedient relief from the personal cost involved in bearing in another person’s pain and burdens.
Fulfilling the “law of Christ” is never cheap, convenient or otherwise. No matter how many praying hands, hearts or other emojis we offer someone, if there is no willingness to give from our deeper emotional and spiritual reserves (hopefully, we all have reserves to give from, and since we all face battles, most faithful friends are giving from reserves….) then these become empty symbols.
Makes me wonder, if this narrative of Job had occurred through today’s DM, what would that have looked like, visually? Again, the incongruence found in this biblical masterpiece is fascinating. I suppose, incongruence is the root of passive aggression. And like the part in the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy encounters a sign that says, “I’d turn back if I were you,” the giving of “If I were you…” seen in Job 5:8 can be one of the most passive weapons in one’s arsonal.
Maybe, it would have looked something like this!
Years ago a wise friend told me, “be careful of anyone who gives advice they are unwilling to walk through with you, entirely, to that advice’s consquences and end result.”
Like Job, we are inherently people of reasoning.
We desire life, peace and the things of God.
Maybe Job made that same assumption about his three friends. Clearly, they didn’t need to dig too far to unearth their true assumptions and presumptions about Job. I must wonder, what was in it for them? Most humans at some level are motivated by something. What personal gain did they consider would be theirs if they kicked their friend when he was already down? When he had spoken so clearly and vulnerably to them of his painful outlook in that moment of time.
Walk in the light as children of the light.
Expose the deeds of darkness.
It takes a lot to turn the other cheek to Satan. When any situation or words become hornets in the hand of our spiritual enemy, the battle is hard. Jesus is our ultimate model in this on the Cross, but, we dwell and navigate in the complexity of the fogs of this life.
I think that Job – though described from the get-go as one whose human footsteps we all have trouble walking in – was still, at the end of the day, a human.
Thus, he did show up for that argument, at the beginning of the next chapter…
Word Count of Eliphaz’s Speech in Chapters 4-5:
769 words
Eliphaz
4 Then Eliphaz the Temanite replied:
2 “If someone ventures a word with you, will you be impatient?
But who can keep from speaking?
3 Think how you have instructed many,
how you have strengthened feeble hands.
4 Your words have supported those who stumbled;
you have strengthened faltering knees.
5 But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged;
it strikes you, and you are dismayed.
6 Should not your piety be your confidence
and your blameless ways your hope?
7 “Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished?
Where were the upright ever destroyed?
8 As I have observed, those who plow evil
and those who sow trouble reap it.
9 At the breath of God they perish;
at the blast of his anger they are no more.
10 The lions may roar and growl,
yet the teeth of the great lions are broken.
11 The lion perishes for lack of prey,
and the cubs of the lioness are scattered.
12 “A word was secretly brought to me,
my ears caught a whisper of it.
13 Amid disquieting dreams in the night,
when deep sleep falls on people,
14 fear and trembling seized me
and made all my bones shake.
15 A spirit glided past my face,
and the hair on my body stood on end.
16 It stopped,
but I could not tell what it was.
A form stood before my eyes,
and I heard a hushed voice:
17 ‘Can a mortal be more righteous than God?
Can even a strong man be more pure than his Maker?
18 If God places no trust in his servants,
if he charges his angels with error,
19 how much more those who live in houses of clay,
whose foundations are in the dust,
who are crushed more readily than a moth!
20 Between dawn and dusk they are broken to pieces;
unnoticed, they perish forever.
21 Are not the cords of their tent pulled up,
so that they die without wisdom?’
5 “Call if you will, but who will answer you?
To which of the holy ones will you turn?
2 Resentment kills a fool,
and envy slays the simple.
3 I myself have seen a fool taking root,
but suddenly his house was cursed.
4 His children are far from safety,
crushed in court without a defender.
5 The hungry consume his harvest,
taking it even from among thorns,
and the thirsty pant after his wealth.
6 For hardship does not spring from the soil,
nor does trouble sprout from the ground.
7 Yet man is born to trouble
as surely as sparks fly upward.
8 “But if I were you, I would appeal to God;
I would lay my cause before him.
9 He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,
miracles that cannot be counted.
10 He provides rain for the earth;
he sends water on the countryside.
11 The lowly he sets on high,
and those who mourn are lifted to safety.
12 He thwarts the plans of the crafty,
so that their hands achieve no success.
13 He catches the wise in their craftiness,
and the schemes of the wily are swept away.
14 Darkness comes upon them in the daytime;
at noon they grope as in the night.
15 He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth;
he saves them from the clutches of the powerful.
16 So the poor have hope,
and injustice shuts its mouth.
17 “Blessed is the one whom God corrects;
so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.[a]
18 For he wounds, but he also binds up;
he injures, but his hands also heal.
19 From six calamities he will rescue you;
in seven no harm will touch you.
20 In famine he will deliver you from death,
and in battle from the stroke of the sword.
21 You will be protected from the lash of the tongue,
and need not fear when destruction comes.
22 You will laugh at destruction and famine,
and need not fear the wild animals.
23 For you will have a covenant with the stones of the field,
and the wild animals will be at peace with you.
24 You will know that your tent is secure;
you will take stock of your property and find nothing missing.
25 You will know that your children will be many,
and your descendants like the grass of the earth.
26 You will come to the grave in full vigor,
like sheaves gathered in season.
27 “We have examined this, and it is true.
So hear it and apply it to yourself.”
Thank You For Reading
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