Awhile back a visiting guest had some fun giving my four cats “secret names.” After interacting with each cat, a quirky and fun name was assigned to each as the kitty’s “secret name” – different from that which each cat had already been named.

This memory came into my mind last week and I started writing some thoughts in a draft here, and felt led to finish it up and refine/edit my initial thoughts, today. I will leave parts from last week re-worked with new thoughts today.

First, on names and the Bible. And naming, in every other culture.

The act of naming (and re-naming) in the Bible is unarguably a super important spiritual thread running from Genesis to the book of Revelation. In my mind, I might be tempted to say it is possibly one of the most preeminent spiritual threads.

pre·em·i·nent

/prēˈemənənt/

Learn to pronounce

adjective

surpassing all others; very distinguished in some way.

“the world’s preeminent expert on asbestos”

The idea of a secret name actually seems connected, in my mind, to the unspeakable name of God first given in Exodus.

“The name Yahweh (yah-WEH) occurs more than 6,800 times in the Old Testament. It appears in every book but Esther, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Songs. As the sacred, personal name of Israel’s God, it was eventually spoken aloud only by priests worshiping in the Jerusalem temple. After the destruction of the temple in A.D. 70, the name was not pronounced. Adonay was substituted for Yahweh whenever it appeared in the biblical text. Because of this, the correct pronunciation of this name was eventually lost. English editions of the Bible usually translate Adonay as “Lord” and Yahweh as “LORD.” Yahweh is the name that is most closely linked to God’s redeeming acts in the history of his chosen people. We know God because of what he has done. When you pray to Yahweh, remember that he is the same God who draws near to save you from the tyranny of sin just as he saved his people from tyrannical slavery in Egypt.”

7 Meanings of Yahweh and Why It’s Such an Important Name for God

“Yahweh” Children?!

“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.” (Psalm 139:15)

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It seems to my layperson’s reading that the name YAHWEH is somewhat of a secret name and only spoken by certain people in certain ways in the Scriptures.

If we all were formed in secret (despite all scientific knowledge, I do believe the gift of life is truly a holy mystery in a whole other spiritual realm of conversation) the idea, in my mind, of the significance of naming conjoined with actual precedents, biblically, of children being named multiple times by multiple people, does interest me.

I could stand corrected and will not look it up, but I believe Jesus referred more than once to “Moses” which his Egyptian-given name but to “Abraham” with the name YAHWEH changed, from “Abram.” I’m not sure if this has any significance, but I think on this.

Last week I became curious who named Moses and the meaning of that name. I located this information:

“The Midrash identifies Moses as one of seven biblical personalities who were called by various names.^{[120][clarification needed]}} Moses’s other names were Jekuthiel (by his mother), Heber (by his father), Jered (by Miriam), Avi Zanoah (by Aaron), Avi Gedor (by Kohath), Avi Soco (by his wet-nurse), Shemaiah ben Nethanel (by people of Israel).^[121] Moses is also attributed the names Toviah (as a first name), and Levi (as a family name) (Vayikra Rabbah 1:3), Heman,^[122] Mechoqeiq (lawgiver),^[123] and Ehl Gav Ish (Numbers 12:3).^[124] “ (Wikipedia)


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Irregardless of the many conversations my above reflections could spawn – from the fun of a houseguest giving my cats secret names, to the naming of Moses – the most important conversation, as I see it, is:

Who ultimately has the right to name someone?

This is a hot debate in our current culture.

My personal belief is that first, parents have both legal and spiritual rights to name their own children. This seems to be an age-old belief that until recent times, most people accepted as a given.

I’ve known here and there of children given names that do not seem to be names that would bring that child blessing…I think of a child I knew named “Damien” in the 80’s. Because of the current culture and the film The Omen, at that time, I wondered why anyone would name a child that.

I’ve heard of children named after alcohol their parents were drunk on when they were conceived, and other rather unusual methods of giving a name.

While many Latin-American cultures will name a child Jesus, typically that is not a name I hear in more European culture/ethnos. I am just stating this, and I personally believe it may have to do with the history of how Catholicism came from Europe and was intermingled with other indigenous belief systems. And that is okay!

I must wonder in German culture, after World War II, was their a decline in the use of the name Adolf with newborns. I don’t know. That might be an interesting topic, along with similar such figures in various cultures and time periods.

Of course, as I ramble here on those points…I can’t imagine someone naming a child Lucifer, for that matter.

My point is, the act of naming is very important spiritual. In the Bible, Jesus has been given a name that is over every name, and all people will bow that that name. In the Scriptures, there are references to believers in some way at some time (and I don’t want to delve into eschatology here) being forced to choose between death and renouncing the name of Jesus.

I think of the stories of Jesus casting out demons – the demons know His name…and, on one occasion when Jesus inquires of the demon’s name, it says the reply was “Legion” – for we are many. I won’t begin to speculate here what any of these things mean – the idea and ancient practice of Midrash, as I understand the term, is along the lines of a contemporary speaker who said,

“God has spoken, and everything else is commentary.”

― Rob Bell, Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith

I’ll buy into that thought, to some degree. There certainly is a place for understanding, genres, context, history and more to rightly divide the Word of Truth, so-to-speak.

But yes, beyond that, adults certainly have not only a legal right to change their given name but a spiritual right. I’ve never argued that point. People do that all the time for a number of personal reasons, historically. We see it a lot in music and film and pen names, as well. Marilyn Monroe’s given name was Norma Jean.

Without delving too far into the current situations where some feel a need to not only change their given name, but also their sexual identity and physical body, this truly is a complicated spiritual topic with enough deep, deep pain to go all around.

While I could delve into ideas found in interviews such as this, Gender Neutral Family Are Raising Their Child as a ‘Theyby’ | Good Morning Britain, truly does raise spiritual issues for me, and others from multiple views, about things deeper than the issue of a name.

But, from where I sit in my personal pain, though I have not directly or specifically pursued any specific information on my grandbabies that were due the end of July, there has been at least one friend who seems to care about me, too, from which I received a caring word and ultrasound image seen online letting me know that last Thursday evening, I might conclude that my first husband and father of my sons, who was present with me at their birth, was about to participate in some way (from a distance or in-person I do not know nor is it my business) in the impending birth of his granddaughter, the first of the twins to be born, apparently.

To clarify, I was in prayer and contemplation that week – how, when and especially if – I might find out any good news one day. I did in no way seek information from anyone, but God allowed it to be sent to me. And that night, I had my own holy vigil here, spiritually, knowing that a holy thing was in progress and rejoicing, alone, with my Jesus.

“Weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice!” Romans 12:15

Often over the past ten years or so I truly rejoice with friends my age who are celebrating births of grandbabies! But just as a woman who has miscarried might feel when her friends give birth, there is swallowed pain. I really love children and desire grandchildren, especially for the opportunity to do some things better than I did as a young mom. We all grow with age and this is the beauty of becoming a grandparent, something I think most people take joy in. We do not have the luxury of parenting our grown children from the person we are today, but it is God’s gift to permit us a place in the life on a grandchild, and they a place in ours.

This too, (women swallowing pain as they watch other women have something they too want), has biblical precedent and is one of the most fascinating things I notice about the story of Leah and Rachel. I do identify with Leah quite a lot…her name means delicate or weary…but the deepest part of her story is she was not truly loved by Jacob and second choice. The seeming competition of womb openings and closings (attributed somehow to God) that ensues might be worthy of lengthy commentary beyond the scope of this piece.

For me, the idea of feeling like an Eve, created for an Adam but for whom no Adam recognizes nor wants, is significant and one I hope to write more about someday. At the point of life I am at, with two broken marital covenants (and yes, I initiated both severances and will hold space, as they say, for anyone and everyone to think whatever they want about that or the reasons thereof) I feel like I know what I bring to the table, spiritually and many other ways, yet it is a metaphorical meal no one seems to want.

There is much I could write about that, in my past several years of personal struggles and private processing with myself, God and selected close friends. I have my own thoughts on all that.

All of us are entitled to our own thoughts and opinions, regardless of other perspectives. Anyone who has divorced usually recognizes, at least retrospectively, the various complex things from both partners that hold amounts of culpability. There is no point in continued re-hashing in one’s mind of various things once full explorations are made; yet, it is human nature that these things will circulate and resurface in a number of ways for the rest of our lives.

So from where I sit, I have close women friends surrounded by their family who all decide together what name their will be called by the grandchildren: Gram, Grandma, Gigi, Nana, Mimi, Grandmom, Grandmama…just to name a few…and I’ve heard so many other beautiful, unique and endearing terms.

And from where I sit, I am in some situation I could have never imagined years ago, on so many levels. I am in some peculiar reverse…some Siberia of spiritual sanctioning, to the extent of not even being worth given information, such as both babies were born, healthy, and their birthdate, weight…names…if they have names which I assume they do!

I really know nothing. I must make logical assumptions based on what I have known over the past several years or more, in various ways. Perhaps these things are no longer even the situation, but since apparently, I am not worth anything in this family system, this is my experience.

I seem to be expected to not feel this nor be affected by it? To simply go on about my business as usual (and yes, that is really what I’m attempting to do, but, it is a heavy and ever-present weight for a number of reasons…). Or worse yet, I am left wondering if the goal is indeed for me to feel and be affected by it…and to the maximum degree. Because there are moments, I am right there, in a number of ways, emotionally and spiritually.

Perhaps it sounds abrupt to state “I am not worth anything.” We all have a right to our own truth. At this point, any words to the contrary confuse me by various other words and more especially, actions.

So why would I be expected to be able to bear this weight and pain and rejection until…until…well, there really is no clear ending nor means…it’s like some hell or purgatory…you will get out – if you get out – when there is agreement you have suffered enough for your sins? Or some repentence? I’m not sure what else I might repent of that I already have, in a variety of reasonable ways. I can and have asked forgiveness for things I have done wrongly or omitted, but I have difficulty asking forgiveness or to repent of something I don’t believe I have done. Or to comply with something that goes against my own faith and sense of my own personhood.

But most importantly, how can I become some other person in order to be accepted, valued and respected?

How can there be some negotiation in all of this? Surely, there is a web of impasse and I know these things happen. Estrangement is an age-old issue in human relationships. I recently had this article come in my newsfeed, and have not yet read it. Looks interesting.

Five Ways Estrangement Does Lifelong Damage

Whatever this is, I have a right to say I am in a fiery ordeal. I think at this very moment of the story of Daniel in the fiery furnace.

As long as I’m considered whatever I am considered, why wouldn’t I continue to hold to Jesus and my own spiritual understandings? Is that permitted in this situation? Of course it is, and likely with further consequence and sentence, for all I know.

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Last week I thought about even the grandbabies I share with my first husband – their very names kept secret from me – and I thought about the biblical acts and spiritual power of naming, and the cultural power of naming.

I thought about someone having the fun audacity to re-name my cats! Names so quirky and fun I can’t even remember them! I enjoyed that time.

I’ve thought about the powerful scene in Roots…the attempt to break Kunta Kinte’s spirit by forcing him to speak some other name of himself. For those who have not seen that series in awhile, I will link the video at the end.

So as I was out praying at night last week in my special place here…the thought crossed my mind, under the circumstances, would it be spiritually good or powerful for me to name my grandbabies with some secret names? At least as a spiritual sign/act until I ever know otherwise and of course, of course defer to those who have power to name them? While possibly even retaining in my heart and mind these other names given under these specific circumstances?

Again, I think about the naming of Moses. I did not realize he had been given so many other names by various other people. Quite interesting.

I was in the spiritual space of dancing outside in the grass that night, listening to a worship song. I’ve had huge big bumps since just days ago, here, personally and otherwise…I need to get back to that spiritual space. To go deeper and more purposefully into worship. I’ve had some powerful experiences here alone, outside at night, especially. Last night, I walked through my prayer place, barefoot, heavy, observing things on the ground…lifting various others up without words per se, listening to music and listening for God’s still, small voice…in the ways He seems to speak to me.

Go figure…I’m an artist…metaphor, signs and symbols all the way baby! Ha ha.

But, seriously.

Seriously.

There were things I noticed and pondered last night. Which is perhaps strengthening me in the midst of a second day of utter overwhelm here at the mercy of a significant string of bad luck and its ongoing aftermath, to rise up a bit in strength and write and express and finish this piece.

It just seems important. On many levels.

So yes. Last week, I had some sense of what I thought, perceived and hoped for spiritually for my grandbabies both now and in their futures! Perhaps I will never see nor hold them, nor see my younger son’s face again. I do have hope that one day, they might read my writings here and my thoughts surrounding their birth, and more. We just don’t know, and I plan to take whatever steps possible to preserve my writings. One more thing to do, when I can.

So yes. I prayerfully held on to some thoughts and ideas and researched some names a bit and yes, I assigned secret names, spiritual names with spiritual meanings of many good things, to these precious souls that were created in the secret places, as were my sons, as was myself and anyone else reading this.

We are, YAHWEH children!

Shalom!