“DEATH.” PART 2: Crossing the Jordan, Death Wrestling, “Death Doulas“
I believe that all religions/spiritual views distill down to two main themes: Life and Death.
True Christianity is set apart as unique in its handling of basic premises and tenets of the faith. I am going to (somewhat) randomly present three scriptures that come to mind concerning these life and death themes–one from the Old Testament, one from the New Testament and one from the Gospels.
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The Offer of Life or Death
“Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, “Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, “Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.
See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.
But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.
This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
(Deuteronomy 30:11-20) ESV)
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“What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Roman 7:24-25 ESV)
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“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?’ ” (John 11:25-26 ESV)
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There are seven people that during my lifetime I had the privilege of being with, not long before their physical death, and in an intimate way. In scripture, “crossing the Jordan” is a well-known metaphor for physical death and entrance into eternal resurrection life. I want to first share a gospel song called “I Want to Die Easy” and then I will select/write a few sentences of what I most recall about each of these experiences with a person who was close to their physical death.
And now, I share some brief predominent recollections from generally right before the death of these seven people that I knew quite well:
- My father (1979): He was powerless and remained concerned for my well-being after his imminent death.
- My mother (2001): She became a de-powered force, childlike, dependent and I watched her slip into unconsciousness and autonomic struggling for each deep gasp of air into her lungs.
- My uncle (2012): He was given morphine and was in and out of consciousness; when I identified myself and my sons as present–we were by his bedside–he became deeply distraught, almost thrashing and crying out, “No….no…no…no…no…”
- My first husband’s maternal grandmother (around 1997 or so): When we went to see her she was mostly unconscious, sleeping deeply and breathing hard and we did not know if she was aware of our presence.
- My first father-in-law (2017): When I heard that he was in the hospital and close to death, I gave a phone call from Alabama to North Carolina; I loved Henry quite a lot and the nurse said he could still hear but not speak, offering to put the phone to him…I was terribly afraid of my emotion/speaking directly and I asked her to tell him for me how much I loved him and to thank him for the continued love after the divorce and telling me that “you will always be our daughter.”
- My aunt (2008): What I recall is the sense of not knowing if she was aware of the presence of various family; she sat up on the bed after the stroke with help and eyes open; from the outside I struggled to see signs of meaningful connection but the prognosis said otherwise.
- A very close family friend (1997): What I recall most is loss of bodily functions, blindness, speech and him taking the hands of others who came to his bedside, speaking to us from his incapacities and recording intimate taped messages for those closest to him, as he declined and was bed-ridden.
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In the war film Saving Private Ryan, there is one scene that is a bone-chilling depiction of the one-on-one unspeakable horrors of war. In this scene, a German and Allied Soldier are in a death wrestle. That is how I would describe it, as they battle one another with knives, rolling-top-over-top-intensely-entangled in some deadly struggle that will inevitably leave one of them dead.
At the point where the German overpowers the other soldier, as he prepares to lower the knife into his heart and they are eye-to-eye, there is a terrifying dialogue between the two. The one begs him not to as he resists the knife, and the other whispers to him like a mother would to a baby to comfort and console the terror and fear, as he glides the knife slowly into his heart, taking the life of the other human being, ending all hopes and dreams and life for this man created in God’s image (as he himself also is).
Those who know the film will recall this scene, it is unforgettable. For those who have never seen it or wish to re-contemplate this part, I warn that it is quite intense. I share it in this piece, however, to lead into further comments about a new term I recently learned: death doula.
About two months ago I was in a conversation and asked the person what they did for a living. They mentioned several things, including stating that they were a “death doula.” The phrase got my attention as I am well-aware of what it means to be a doula but I would have never associated that term with death, but with life and birth.
I then asked, “What is that?”
I was given some response/answer I found nebulous and hard to follow, along the lines of providing unique and personal help/support to those who are facing death. I re-phrased my question, then saying, “So this is like being a hospice worker?”
As the discussion went on, the particulars (though very sketchy) left me with the strange sense that this “work” was unusual and mysterious. Given that there were also references to various aspects of witchcraft (though these days many who stray into occult practices like to name themselves as some type of “good” or “beneficial” witch or “healer” with many things criss-crossing with a traditional respect/recognition of medicinal properties of plants or other extra-biblical but seemingly innocuous thoughts/practices) this idea of being a “death doula” gave me, as a Jesus follower dependent on the Holy Spirit’s guidance/discernments, a good amount of spiritual unease.
While the need and value of walking alongside someone who is facing death (and, there are many forms of death….for example, divorce is a type of death) and especially, being present at the very end and helping them transition into eternity is embraced and well-known since the beginning of human experience, I absolutely reject that humans, and especially Christians, are in any way, shape or form called to be some type of vessel with the purpose of heralding death into the world.
The conceptual idea of this is absolutely anti-thetical to every bit of the Christian faith and the gospel.
Yesterday, I saw something on Instragram that got my attention. Not only is there an image that alludes to New Age/occult beliefs, again I notice the unusual linguistic of a call to be a “death doula.” I was prompted through discussion with another friend to read about the influencer that posted this image, and I learned yet more new things.
For now, I put a coda, or pause, to this segment of my series on “DEATH.” and ask that readers contemplate and seek Jesus for needful spiritual eyes and ears to begin seeing and hearing that which is happening around us.
Thank You For Reading
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