Becoming Karen

I’ve known a lot of Karens in my lifetime. Karens come in all different sizes, shapes and personas. Most, if not all, of the Karens I have known are generally good, decent, caring people.

I always think that the meaning and origin of a name is interesting and important. While these days internet searches sometimes bring up conflicting information about a name’s meaning/origin, the three sources below are fairly consistent that the name Karen is Danish/Greek, meaning “pure, clear, child of beauty,” and is somehow related to the name Katherine.

Mondays are always difficult and seem to represent the return to running full force through all the minefields and obstacle courses that is now our modern, globalized world. And this Monday was no different.

It started with me noticing comments on a social media post where people wrote “Karens for Kontrol” and “Klanned Karenhood.” The post itself referenced something I had to look up. And of course, the hedgehogs of information/disinformation/misinformation/lies/truth/bias is un-navigable.

Next, I read a very well-put substack article called The Gender Party. Contemplations surrounding this article made me think of Zero Sum Games. A Zero Sum Game is a situation where the House Always Wins. Where the winner’s wins are dependent on the loser’s losses. Games like baseball, football, tennis and soccer are not zero sum, because both parties are able to gain amounts of points. Chess, on the other hand, or poker, or War, is a zero sum game. Both sides are engaged in a type of combat whose ultimate goal is the full destruction of the opposition, and can be obtained according to certain rules, ways and means–whether fair or foul.

And then, I resumed pursuit of filing what should be a simple claim with UPS, to be refunded for a package they lost and I replaced to my client, taking my time and money, and taking seemingly endless hours and frustrations of being thrust into the black hole that UPS seems to create for anyone trying to file a claim.

Since I’m now into hours and numbers of calls, and emails with links that send me back into the black hole of claim filing, I found myself listening to myself, as I was transferred multiple times. Each time, I immediately asked for a supervisor, knowing there would be none. Each time, the person told me they were a supervisor and could assist me, and that, was untrue. With each passing moment, my blood pressure rose, my voice became more abrasive, and I was intentionally rude.

After the experience, which resulted in being given a “special” claims email and a “special” phone number to call (I have about 5 different numbers for UPS, since I’ve now had two issues in the past two months), I wrote a simple summary of the issue, attached my receipts/documents, and received an automated response that my claim was received and a case number assigned.

And then, feeling depressed, exhausted, nauseous and more with the after-effects of this unavoidable encounter, I thought about Karen. I could have avoided becoming Karen if I had only acquiesced and given up seeking compensation I was entitled to (automatically, up to $100) if I paid to ship something by UPS and they either lost the (large) package or damaged it.

While surely there are women who call for managers at the slightest sign of some minor issue, who are entitled, demanding and otherwise, I must wonder if Karen is even a woman. I think Karen is a man. She is a straw man. She is some caricature of a person, and Karen’s tears do not matter. Karen’s thoughts do not matter. Nothing about Karen really matters. If Karen bleeds, it does not matter.

Karen is not some horrific, large, beastly monster. She’s a little, tiny person, a mom or your next door neighbor–likely a pure, clear, child of beauty–who has been pushed into the cogs of a big machine–a zero sum game machine whose goal is grinding her and her children up and spitting them out like nails for some purpose–and if she makes a peep, she is told to be silent and get over herself.

The Karens of the world are code word for collateral damage.

Just get over it, Karen.