Today I was listening to the Psalms and a verse got my attention. And tonight, I had an object lesson that will better enable my expression here.
The verse was Psalm 32:8, and I have selected three different translations below, with the first being what I was listening to in my Old Testament audiobook.
“I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (NRSV)
“I will instruct you and teach you about the direction you should go. I’ll advise you and keep my eye on you.” (CEB)
“I will instruct you (says the Lord) and guide you along the best pathway for your life; I will advise you and watch your progress.” (TLB)
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These days there’s a lot of talk and desire to be seen (and to be heard). These are simply contemporary linguistic-image-metaphors for the age-old desire to be understood or otherwise sympathized/empathized with. When someone feels unseen or unheard, it is not in the literal sense. It is in the sense that they don’t feel understood, or helped, or connected, or they feel misunderstood; and in the sense they don’t feel valued or cared about, as though they were invisible and silent…as though they were not even present, perhaps.
I’ve heard the above verse before, because I’ve listened to the Psalms many times.
But today, what stood out to me enough to make a note and ponder this more is that God’s guidance to us is both general and specific. God says he will guide us (or counsel) us in the way(s) to go with His eye on us. Of course there are so many other biblical references of being seen and heard by God. And these references range from messages of Divine empathy for us to messages of Divine knowledge of “our ways (in the negative sense).”
So, God gives us direction while He’s watching us. I found that comforting today. Because we all want to be seen, understood, heard and properly guided. Just yesterday I had a conversation with someone who asked me about something, and I shared, and then they gave me advice. I listened to the advice and engaged with it, though I knew there were many reasons that their advice was not good advice. But of course, because we see and are so intimately acquainted with our own personal world and details of our dilemmas and difficulties, it can be hard to communicate to someone who gives certain advice without them feeling dismissed.
I’m sure I’ve given out advice or suggestions before that miss the mark in part or in full, simply because I cannot see the entirety of factors–especially the limitations one carries inside of them.
So today this verse felt encouraging to me, that God is at work to personally guide and direct us through the details, because, His eye is on us and He sees. Whether it is something He sees that He knows must change, or something He sees that He knows needs other help/answers, He clearly sees. And moreover, when we belong to Christ, He lives inside of us. So, He not only sees and knows from without. He sees and knows from within. And that is the place where we should find our deepest trust and comfort. Though a thousand people don’t understand us, Jesus understands. And moreover, He cares.
He cares even when He sees and experiences with us our struggles, sins and failures. And we are personally guided in every step along our way by a God who has His eye upon us at all times.
If you are a mom or a dad, you know how you have to keep your eye on your child at all times when out in public. You keep watch out of your awareness, out of the corner of your eye, even when they wander around the grocery store a bit. They may think they are out of your sight, or alone, or suddenly lost…but the Good Parent (our Heavenly Father) is always seeing and taking note of many things! And it is from that place that the Good Parent instructs and guides.
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So I mentioned an object lesson tonight that I somehow connect to the idea of being guided while being seen.
I started teaching a four-week calligraphy class at a library (in a town 45 minutes from me that I’m unfamiliar with) last Tuesday night. I showed up 45 minutes early, and initially my GPS said I had arrived when I passed a downtown building that looked like a museum or public building but NOT a library. I immediately made a right hand turn at the corner and turned right again down a narrow back street.
There was a woman walking and I asked where the library was; I told her I was teaching a class (and I was in a colorful art van) so she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable talking with a stranger! She was super helpful, and pointed out a back parking lot on the side street, but it was one way. She clearly explained I could circle around again and the library was just passed the other old looking building, on the next block. And that I didn’t need to park in back, only if there was no street parking.
So last week, there was easy street parking right in front of the entrance. I unloaded things, went through the front door, got situated with the ladies at the front desk, got a key to the conference room. I was plenty early, since I didn’t know what to expect. I even re-arranged all the tables.
Fast forward to tonight. I arrived in front of the same building, at what I thought was the same entrance…having scooched my vehicle just a little further forward toward another meter than the one I was at last week. I got there ten minutes before class, and knew what room I’d be in. I had a box, and was going to make a 2nd trip for another item. I got the box from the back and locked the van.
I went up the concrete/marble steps, to a big brown door between two pillar columns. I tried to open the door, and it was locked. I was confused, I stepped back and looked up. Engraved over the door was the name of the library. I reached for the handle again. Yes, it was locked.
I started to feel panic. It was now about seven minutes til class started. I looked around the street behind me, with all the busy traffic. For a moment, I reality checked myself that it was Tuesday. Yes. Was the library closed on Tuesday? I peaked in the window and the lights were on and I saw books and shelves. Yes. I am at the library.
I had already tried knocking on the big, old door.
Then, I pulled out my phone and Googled the library and called. I got through the prompts and a woman answered. By then, my anxiety was escalating. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hi, this is Eileen. I’m the teacher for the calligraphy class. I’m standing out here at the main door and it is locked.
Woman: The door is not locked.
Me: Yes, it is locked! My class starts really soon, and I am out here with a box of stuff.
Woman: Where exactly are you?
Me: I am on _______ street. Right in front of the library entrance. I parked here last week on the street and went right in. It’s just locked. Could you please just come open the door and let me in?
Woman: I can’t do that. Where are you? The door is not locked.
Me: The door IS locked. I’m telling you, I’m in front of the library! I am on steps and there are two pillars and the name of the library above me! Please….I’m getting anxious…my class starts in five minutes.
Woman: That is not the entrance. You need to drive around back and there is a parking lot.
Me: But I came in this door last week, I’m sure I did! Please…(it’s now three minutes til class)…
Woman: That is not the entrance. There’s another entrance. You need to drive around back, go around the block…
Me: (just the thought of getting in my vehicle, pulling into traffic and somehow circling and find this new parking area/door was really escalating my anxiety) I don’t understand…I’m just out here out front. Can’t you see me? Can’t you come let me in?
Woman: That is not the entrance. There’s another entrance.
Exasperated, I went back to the van to put the box in back. Behind my vehicle, another woman had parked and I thought I recognized her.
Me: Are you one of the people in the calligraphy class?
Her: Yes.
Me: I’m the teacher! I can’t believe this…I can’t get in the door. I was on the phone with them! She won’t open the door for me!
Her: (Pointing about twenty feet to the right) The main entrance is there…they don’t use that other door.
Now…suddenly, I noticed the door that I actually went in last week! There “may have” been some plants or something by the steps blocking…it’s a blur! I don’t know. But suddenly my eyes were opened and there were modern glass library doors and a brick face entrance…just to the right of the old columns/steps/inscribed library name and LOCKED DOOR.
I was very discombobulated, asked the woman if she would help carry my other item, and we walked quickly in. I came up to the front desk…looked at the woman (same one who helped me last week when i wondered if it was OK to park out front!) and I apologized but was clearly frustrated…she gave me some version again of “we don’t use that door” and handed me the key to the room!
I whizzed down the hall and there were about eight women waiting. Of course, I had to explain what happened. While I could say it was all my communication fault, there’s been two other definite miscommunications over other details in this situation, plus, the air conditioning isn’t working in the room!
The class actually went well.
On my drive home, I kept wondering why the woman at the desk didn’t seem to understand me. Why she kept saying the same thing (about driving somewhere else) rather than understand how to instruct me to get in.
Perhaps she was as directionally or imaginatively impaired as I sometimes am in driving in unfamiliar places. Perhaps my anxiety kept me from hearing her.
I don’t know.
But, if she were God, maybe it would have gone more like this! (according to Psalm 32:8):
“Eileen. Calm down, it’s OK. I see you. You are on the library video camera! Plus, I just see you there. I see you from every angle…my eye is on you! I know you’ve had an already stressful day, and I see those many thoughts of yourself walking in 5-10 minutes late to this class and feeling like an absolute failure. I know you are half-panic stricken and I see you can’t open the door! Yes, I see. Got it. You’re on the concrete/marble steps. Yep. I see you there. The door is big and brown. Check. Yep, I know I know…you’ve already said it! The name of the library is inscribed above you! I hear you. You are half-begging one of the librarians to just walk about forty feet, open the door and let you in. I see her too! She’s probably (well, I know whether for sure, but I’ll just say “probably” to you!) not allowed to open that door. She probably isn’t thinking in reverse, that instead of telling you to drive somewhere else that sounds so far away…that she might visualize where you are and tell you just look to your right. So. Here’s the deal. Eileen…standing on those steps there. Look to YOUR right. Do you see those red bricks? Do you see those glass doors? Do you see other steps and people going in? THAT IS WHERE YOU WENT IN LAST WEEK. I remember. I saw you do that, too. Just get your stuff and walk that way. You’re almost there! It will be OK!”
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