I am gripped with heavy, heavy sorrow – gripped with remorse.

I am gripped with not only remorse, but I am gripped with fear.

I am gripped with fear because I fear my son is gone. As I continue to apprehend the depth of the evil that has overcome my family, I discover new levels of the horror of it all.

And there is nothing, seemingly, that I can do to fix it.

May God have mercy.

And I don’t know at what point I should have fully repented before this moment–it had such insidious beginnings–and I wonder, is it possible to repent even more?

When I use the word repent, I mean to do a 180 degree turn–among other things.

We all, as humans, find ourselves at times willingly or unwittingly calling something that is evil “good” or “not that bad” or “neutral” and we later discover we were dead wrong.

Likewise, we all has humans, find ourselves at times calling something that is good “evil” and we later discover we were dead wrong.

Even now, my understandings remain inherently imperfect.

Even now, I will continue to navigate this terrible landscape with great difficulty, and great sorrow.

Truly, some things are nuanced or, hard calls as to how we should think about something, and, how we should respond.

But, I am filled with remorse that I permitted the transgender issues, when gradually and incrementally confronted with them, to be put into the categories that I previously put them.

I am an INFP on the Meyers-Briggs Scale, and surely my slow-to-form-absolute-judgement quickly came into play. I don’t want to allow the (potentially) good things about my personality and how God made me to be forever marred by this terrible mis-step, yet I do have deep remorse that in this thing I was in deep error.

And I was by no means a “trans-activist” —as another remote, previously trusted and treacherously assertive/insertive family member revealed themselves to be–doing irreparable harm to the situation and those involved.

I was simply a mom–confused, concerned and confronted with something I never would have imagined in my wildest dreams befalling my son and our family.

And, I did not possess the skills to respond to it–to lovingly nip this early in the bud. If, that were even possible. Especially since, the downward spiral into the transgender cult began when my son was legally (but barely) an adult.

I don’t know that it could be nipped, now that I know the extent of the underlying root system.

Now that I know the many years-in-the-making and the history of this Transgender Religion–and the Trans-Activist Cult that undergirds it, all I can seemingly do is speak out about what I have come to learn amidst many griefs and sorrows.


It is a Behemoth.

No. It is a legion. It is a demonically-fueled legion of spiritual wickedness in the heavenly places working its way through the cyberspaces and into law – into our schools and into our all…

And this legion, has my precious baby boy that I held in my arms so many years ago.

Woe to me.

And this legion, might take your baby, too.

Woe to you.

Woe to me for not calling evil that which it is.

Woe to you, if you close your ears.

Woe to us all – there is reason to fear.

There is reason to fear

If we do not hear.

“No Honorable Exit“

Surely, I now question some other inter-related things where I was also in error during difficult parts of my life and journey before, during and after my first divorce, yet I find grace (as much as possible, which does not feel like much sometimes) and comfort in knowing that I am not alone.

I am not alone as a mom within a broken nuclear (divorced) family.

I am not alone as a mom who observed a number of things that led to my divorce, in part, and to the inevitable damage that divorce inflicts on all of its children.

I am not alone as a mom who found herself–and her sons–without the deeper spiritual guidance we all so desperately needed.

It is not just the particular vulnerabilities of my family that ushered in this evil.

This dark movement is affecting young people that have seemingly had lives unmarred by that which my sons have had–but, children of divorce certainly are more susceptible.

This evil will not stop until it devours even the strong.

This evil came for the weak, first.

This evil came for young people who somehow felt disconnected from their family, their community, and, their God.

This evil came for the young people who were otherwise fragile to begin with.

It came for the children of divorce.

It came for the children of autistic spectrum.

It came for the children left alone too long in their rooms.

But it will not stop.

It is a devouring army – a force of destruction – and it is coming next, for the more healthy.

It has already swallowed up the weakest of the human pack, and turned them into those who will come next for you and yours…who will come next to devour even those we might consider the strong.

If not your children, it will come for your grandchildren and beyond.

It will come attached to legislation.

It will mask as empathy and acceptance.

It will come as language evolution and bypass the rightful cognitive dissonance.

Make no mistake – it will come.

And there will be woe upon woe.

__________

I have noticed over the years that I may be slow to form absolute conclusions on some matters, but once I do, my conclusion is quite strong. Quite strong. And in these somewhat limited situations, they tend to be issues that I have once been on the other side of, to some degree.

I think of political persuasion. And I think of a few theological things.

As for the transgender path…

I should have never walked the trans path with my son as far as I did. I should have found some way to speak truth in love. I failed. I simply failed, at a number of things that I should have somehow done better. But how, Oh Lord, how?

May God have mercy.

I called him another name for close to three years, despite my inward discomfort.

May God have mercy.

I referred to him as “she” and even attempted at one point to tell him that I wanted to get to know my “daughter” – despite my inward discomfort.

May God have mercy.

I did these things before certain other people in his life did these things. And when it all came to a head–over other things–I was blindsided with the truth that it was never about any of this.

My son’s entire childhood, identity and more had been systematically distorted and dismantled by dark forces operating online and through real life connections in what feels now like an apocalyptic manner.

It is a heartbreak I now know is shared by many families, but I think a lot about the mothers.

Because, I am a mother.

I am a mother, and I have lost my son in a very real way.

I am human, and I am a mom; therefore I give grace to me, and I give grace to you. I give grace to you that simply do not know. I give the grace I give to myself when I did not know what I now clearly know.

I am oppressively heavy with woe–great sorrow and distress–and I must speak.

There may not be hope for the woe and evil that has beset my family.

But, there may be hope for you and yours, if you only know what I now know.

And so, I make time–I take time, and much time—so that you know.

The time taken here is great, but not as great as the time that went into the making of three interviews I will share here.

And not as great as the woe and sorrows and damage–the years of lost time, lost self, and much else–that the woman (Michelle), the subject of these interviews, has lost.

My heart breaks for her. Truly. Her story (and that of many others who have de-transitioned and then experience such horrific treatment by the trans cult community) is truly compelling.

It compels me to share here. It compels me to warn others, so that they will not know the sorrow and distresses that I now know and must live with.

She is obviously an intelligent young woman, and she is able to articulate her experiences, views and retroactive assessments with such clarity.

It is this clarity that has weighed so heavily upon me in the past 24 hours since listening to the entirety of this. (I drafted this piece days before Thanksgiving, and am editing/releasing it now).

It is her clarity – and that of the interviewer’s handling of the topic – that compels me to share this as worthy of full watch.

Regardless of your current views, I urge you to watch.

Make the time. Choose this, instead of something on Netflix.

It will be quite uncomfortable–even painful–to acquire knowledge of. I can (almost) guarantee that.

And if you just didn’t know – if you just felt like the loving thing to do is to accept, not question and comply with all we are bein ask to give away – this will also hurt you.

I just want to make it clear: this is weighty, this is distressing, and it will likely pierce and hurt your soul in a way I cannot describe.

If you have children of any age – young or grown – I urge you to watch.

If you have grandchildren of any age – young or grown – I urge you to watch.

If you follow Jesus, I especially, urge you to watch. Watch, pray, and share this with as many as possible.

Just when I thought it could not get any darker, I learn the extent of how deep this darkness is.

There is one point in the first segment where there is a video of a “Glitter Mom” from TikTok.
I did not know what this even meant, and so, I later read. More Written Here.

I think I’ve seen this person before on another video. And I had the same, immediate visceral response to the person: they are demonically influenced.

Everything about this person’s speech, presentation, appearance and words prompted spiritual discernment in me: it is of a demonic nature.

There is a way that appears to be right,
    but in the end it leads to death. – Proverbs 14:12

_____

What sorrow for those who say
    that evil is good and good is evil,
that dark is light and light is dark,
    that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.

Isaiah 5:20 – New Living Translation

There was a phrase in one of the three interview segments which spoke of
“No Honorable Exit.”
I was moved by this section in particular, perhaps for other reasons related to my own sorrowful situation.

Time Control The member has little time or energy to question beliefs, associate with outsiders, or examine life too closely. Time spent on group-related activities is strongly encouraged or enforced, and usually fills every spare moment. NoneMildModerateIntenseSevere

• Most cults insist they are not a cult
• The built-in community of family, church and neighborhood has undergone change
• Fewer identify with organized religion and “virtual communities” are helping to fill that void
  • for the first time in human history the internet has made the definition of community no longer geographically bound
  • we are finding statistically small but personally huge groups of like-minded individuals that reinforce us, and reinforce who we are
• Has led to a new generation of online leaders who use the tools of social media to attract fervent followers
  • when you are in your room with little or no social connections you are able to find a community for almost anything
    • that reinforcement is very powerful
    • watch one video and YouTube will suggest others
    • can often lead to a spiral of radicalization
• Some online communities such with message boards can create a cult-like community without a need for a leader at all
  • they provide a home
  • they provide someone to listen to them
  • people at crossroads can easily find this content
• Just because there are no physical spaces doesn’t make online-cults any less potent
  • give people who feel they are disaffected or alienated from the dominant culture an alternate narrative and alternate script to follow
• Whether alternative narrative built online or in the physical world on one of the promises of social justice or on a better, happier and more successful self, they all use the same methods of control and are incredibly hard to escap
  • it is hard to leave because it is your whole world
  • in time a majority of cult members will leave on their own
    • they discover the fallible leader isn’t so infallible
    • they find their guide to a moral life is actually a hypocrite
    • or when their constructed reality cracks

• Two reasons clinicians need to hear and understand the stories of those who de-transition
  • gender dysphoria from a clinical perspective
    • people who experience dysphoria stemming from physicality
    • a lot of people experience social dysphoria
    • often there is overlap
  • to neglect listening to the stories of de-transitioners is incredibly negligent to the trans community, the clinical community and the psychological community
    • what happened to them
    • what factors were at play

The story of Michelle Alleva, on Detrans Awareness Day, serves as an introduction in the main interview and subject of my outlined blogpost of the above-linked two-hour main segment, Part 1: Is it Culty?

Michelle’s story is summarized in the interview, but also I am clipping her her bio from the website www.genspect.org

At this point, while I could continue carefully re-listening and building a full outline of the three interviews in hopes that my readers would know and understand why they should make time to at least listen and consider the content in full, instead I am going to create clips below of the most shocking documenting references from sources such as TikTok.

I hope that in the least, readers will view and contemplate these as stand-alone informative resources. I imagine like me, many of us in the older generation remain ignorant of such influences. I hear of these type of things generalized and mentioned as part of current political rhetoric, and especially deeply genuine heartfelt concerns. While I didn’t fully doubt that these things were actually out there, the extent of the darkness involved in all of this came into my awareness this past week as I came across the YouTube series and began to watch.

For this reason, I am compelled to share here and I would ask my readers to please consider sharing this information with as many people as possible that might benefit in some way. Information is power and I do believe that many of us base our participation in the general push toward full acceptance, affirmation and even forms of unbeknownst activism from a place of fear, discomfort and more.

Many parents fear the loss of their children or grandchildren. They are aware of the immense theology of estrangement built inherently into the fabric of the movement and they simply capitulate, not wanting to make waves, so-to-speak.

While I understand that each person gets to decide their response to this current (both top-down and peer-driven) agendized social/political/spiritual movement (I need to name it what I believe it is), I simply hope that at least my readers would be willing to consider things from other well-documented and cohesive vantage points.

I understand that a reader might invest the time in listening to this information and still, at the end of the day, continue in their conclusions and/or decided response. And I respect that, because I respect the autonomy of other people.

My respect, however, does not preclude my speaking out. Free speech should never be limited in wrongful ways, nor people coerced into what they can say, can’t say or especially, are required to say.

This three-part series is, to date, the most quality, well-documented single resource I have encountered that I consider highly worth recommending.

I will intersperse the 40 areas that the interviews base their progression on, as the interviewer, Jonathan (who appears from information I have found about him to be a former Mormon who does podcasts on cults and exposing things within the Mormon Church), takes Michelle area by area through the “Is it Culty?” survey and guides her in sharing about her experiences in these categories.

At the end of each segment, he asks her to rate the Trans Movement on the scale, and they move on the next portion. This seems a good structure for me to use, for the remainder of this piece and also, Part II and Part II which I intend to tackle during the upcoming week or two, as I am able to make time.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for listening, and for…hearing.

Below, an overview of the 40 segments addressed in the 3-part series. Taken from the website isitculty.com