The summer of 1981 was a time I came face-to-face with my own proclivity to do a variety of shameful and youthful things. One day in August, I had an experience where I believe the Holy Spirit overcame me with a deep sense of conviction of my sinfulness and need for Jesus, and I consider that moment forward the beginning of my desire for a new life, in God.
As I went on into adulthood, there are some times when I’ve done some specific things I’m not too proud of. And the shame factor for many brings significant emotional, spiritual and psychological struggles. Sometimes, we feel shame that is not called for and we do indeed need to be easier on ourselves for our sins and failures. Sometimes, others push unwarranted shame on us. And sometimes, we may refrain from calling something shameful when that is actually the appropriate response/term.
According to Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development, a child must master Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt between 18 months and 3 years of age. Healthy child development/parenting should lead to age-appropriate autonomy rather than foster shame/doubt. Which would help the child enter the next stage of Initiative Vs. Guilt. I’m sure we all fall somewhere on the continuum in these categories, persisting into our adult years as some basis for our conflicts.
The older I get, the more I think about children, adults and society needing both a healthy sense of shame, and, if called for, a deep sense of shame. This is not to be confused with children and adults having a deep need to cultivate intimacy, vulnerability and to be securely loved by God and other significant people, worts and all. There’s a lot which could be written about this type of gift (and already has, in the biblical Jesus story, and in many resources that can help us understand unconditional and unmerited love). For me, my understanding of God is the basis for my understandings of forgiveness, grace, relationships, sin and weaknesses.
These days, many do not share a common ground for navigating and agreeing/naming whether something is shameful (or, how to receive and give grace and mercy and compassion that is founded within God’s nature), and for that, we all suffer.
I listened to the podcast below tonight, and I thought it was worth passing along. It isn’t long, and the speakers approach it from a non-religious viewpoint, but mention that vantage point that is part of the conversation about shame and pride.
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