To What Purpose Am I Being So Crushed?

I was in bed unusually early (for me) around 10 pm, because I came home from my day’s activities feeling absolutely crushed.

After some sleep, I’ve been laying awake for about an hour and it is around 4:10 am. My rooster has begun to crow.

I look around my room at various things on my walls, and I feel so many, many weights of so many sorts I cannot even articulate.

I think about God, and I wonder where He is in this moment.

I think of the words, “My God, my God, why have your forsaken me?”

I think of my struggles in the past 4-5 years and my hope and belief that somehow I could reach the shores of the “land of the living.”

I feel my headache, and I feel the crushing weights.

I feel the fear and the anxieties, and the questions and the sense of being so cut off and for carrying so many weights and difficulties for so very long. And I don’t know what to do, but to get up and write this, and then return to bed.

And to ask, “To what purpose am I being so crushed?”

__________

1 It came upon the midnight clear,
that glorious song of old,
from angels bending near the earth
to touch their harps of gold:
“Peace on the earth, good will to men,
from heaven’s all-gracious King.”
The world in solemn stillness lay,
to hear the angels sing.

2 Still through the cloven skies they come
with peaceful wings unfurled,
and still their heavenly music floats
o’er all the weary world;
above its sad and lowly plains,
they bend on hovering wing,
and ever o’er its Babel sounds
the blessed angels sing.

3 And ye, beneath life’s crushing load,
whose forms are bending low,
who toil along the climbing way
with painful steps and slow,
look now! for glad and golden hours
come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
and hear the angels sing!

4 For lo! the days are hastening on,
by prophet seen of old,
when with the ever-circling years
shall come the time foretold
when peace shall over all the earth
its ancient splendors fling,
and the whole world send back the song
which now the angels sing.