Einstein, the BADASS Cold Tub and FOMO

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
– Albert Einstein

Since apparently there is a rumor – now over a year old – that I’m going off the rails and we’re witnessing a train wreck about to happen…it’s just so damned fun to play the part!

They say necessity is the mother of invention and dang-nabbit, I need me a bathtub!

Because rumor also has it that I spend four hours a day in the tub.

You know how much fun a woman could have with this?
When I arrived back to my hometown after being in another state for almost eight years, I told a good friend I should put on my red-quilted plaid bathrobe and wander the local streets and neighborhoods – knocking on doors of old friends saying, “Can I please use your bathtub?”

And they’d say, “It’s the ghost of Eileen Slifer and she wants WATER!!!!”

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So yesterday as I came out of the post office I heard a couple people talking about how hot it was and that because of covid, there aren’t any open pools this holiday weekend.

And that was all it took to plant the seed in my mind.

Like a water vampire I suddenly could not think of anything else as I ran the rest of my errands.

I was thinking about everything from it being 4th of July Weekend to Point Mallard Water Park to the 18-inch kiddie pool I used to fill and laze around in when my kids were about 2 and 7 years old.

Those were the days!

Mama water vampire slothing it with her offspring on a hot summer day back in the mid 90’s…going in and out of the house to give popsicle hand-outs.

Those were the days before cell phones so all we could do was sit in a pool and play around.

Weren’t them pools about $15? Pretty sure I saw one for sale at every Dollar General in Morgan County, Alabama starting in about March for the last seven years.

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I suppose I have a rich fantasy life – it’s how I entertain myself so well when I’m alone! Maybe it’s the artist in me or maybe it’s the only child.

But I get IDEAS. Believe me, I GET IDEAS!!!

Someone once told me they simply did not want to imagine what it was like to be me! Apparently my brain is just too scary of a place – but I kinda think it is pretty BADASS, for the most part…

So back to my story.

I began to imagine I might get my son and his girlfriend to come visit this weekend for some food, movie time and a….POOL PARTY!

I’m thinking…I bet I could get one of those kiddie pools pretty cheap and the three of us could sit in it with covid masks and sip beer together.

I mean…it’s been a good 25 years or so since I sat in a kiddie pool with my son…I think this would be a colorful way to celebrate
Independence Day 2020!

So I continued on in my errands, eventually finding myself at Family Dollar – yeah the Family Dollar in Brookside that I probably bought this long ago kiddie pool at…

Would you believe it? Two Dollar stores, three pharmacies, two grocery stores and Lowe’s and no one has a cheap kiddie pool?

You’ve got to be kidding me!

The closest I saw were 36″ hard plastic pools about 10″ deep.

For a moment I imagined buying three of them. How fun would that be?!

They could be covid pod pools and we’d all be isolated in them…we’d space them six feet apart in the yard and sit in our swimsuits with masks on while eating Thai food and drinking beer.

Sounds kinda fun to me!

I suppose when it comes down to it, I was fighting off FOMO.

If you are over age forty, you may have to look this up:

Even now as I write I’m having terrible FOMO. I mean, it seems to be a new kind of anxiety and God forbid I get it!

I’m sitting here alone on Independence Day and I’m hearing fireworks in the distance…on and on in downtown Newark…then the grand finale…OH WAIT….there’s another round going….OMG the FOMO the FOMO….

It’s like the ending line in Apocalypse Now…only “the horror the horror” is replaced with “the FOMO the FOMO….!”

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OK OK where was I? Oh YEAH….spontaneous 4th of July party with personal kiddie pools to beat the heat!

By the time I got to Lowe’s last night my son called me back. They were already booked up for this weekend.

So I went back to where I’m temporarily staying and by the time I got into bed I was Googling kiddie pools at Walmart on my phone.

Gee whiz…they are getting kinda fancy these days and a little more $ than I might want to expend on some holiday fun.

Especially just for me.

And by the time I woke up this morning, the thought of driving 10 miles to a Walmart to see if by chance they had any exhausted me.

I spent the first part of my day working on projects while watching a Monty Python documentary and eating red raspberries and cherries with blue blueberries.

It just seemed like the right thing to do.

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By mid afternoon I began thinking of going into the outside world.

That would be out into my friend’s yard, to do some gardening.

I had read on social media that it was pretty hot out there…both in Delaware AND in Alabama.

My mind wandered once again, gripped by FOMO.

I went into the bedroom and scanned the jenga of boxes and rubbermaid tubs stacked against the walls where just part of my normal life was packed away.

I was pretty sure I had a really large rubbermaid tote…and like Einstein, I am innovative.

I found the tote and began unloading all its contents into a pile on the floor between boxes.

It just seemed like the next right thing to do…

When it was empty, to my dismay, I noticed a crack in the bottom of the tote…just a little one…but one that water would leak through.

Hmmm….thwarted I tell you, THWARTED!!!

So I thought to myself…can this be fixed somehow? It would be such a cheap and quick container to fill with water….outside in the heat that I’ve heard about on social media….and I’ve already sat in it and I will comfortably fit inside….

Hmmm….I think I have Gorilla Glue. That stuff always gets hard and foamy and would probably seal it up somewhat….

So I found a bottle and then couldn’t get the lid off it.

Being resourceful, I took a utility knife and sliced it open. I then needed something to spread it.

Looking among some artist tools, I grabbed a plastic (disposable, rather than my good metal one) pallette knife.

I proceeded to spread gobs of half dried up Gorilla Glue inside and outside over the two-inch crack.

Because, what else did I have to lose?

Only the potential chance to appease my water-vampire nature…it just might work, it just might work!

Later, as the tote was drying in the sun, I took duct tape and thoroughly patched over the Gorilla Glue from the inside and the outside.

Then, just to make sure, I duct-taped an empty garden soil bag over the bottom. Very, very neatly and thoroughly, using lots and lots of the silvery tape.

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I found a good spot for it out in the backyard…away from any neighbors who might spy my BADASS Cold Tub….and I turned on the hose and filled it.

I then watered all the gardens and coming back to it 20 minutes later – was delighted to see it had not leaked a drop!

I already had my bathing suit on and a half teacup of wine poured into my favorite cat mug.

Now would be the real test.

I stepped into the blue rubbermaid tote full of cool water and as I lowered myself into it I was smiling and saying

“Ooh baby, oooooh baaaaby….brrrrr…brrr…..oooooh baby” (sip wine and wiggle in the cold water) saying again with the delight of a true water vampire….”Ooooh baby baby baby….!!!!”

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EPILOGUE

And now to use the phrase coined by Monty Python comedy….

“And now for something completely different.”

Ten years ago today on July 4, 2010…I was caught up in the excitement of it being the third day after my first date with my recently divorced ex-husband. He had come to my home for dinner Friday night, July 2…then we had met up at our elementary school playground Saturday night, July 3…walking and sitting on a bench sharing life stories under the moonlight….then he came to church with me the morning of July 4 and by evening we were sitting on a blanket together with one of my sons at the UD stadium watching fireworks.

I hadn’t had any dates in nearly 5 years after my divorce in 2005….there had been a lot of Facebook interaction in public and private that led to my invitation to dinner in my home that Friday night July 2, 2010….I remember I made a pork roast and we had lots of green beans from my garden.

There’s a lot I remember….especially how fast and the feeling of elation I felt as I felt charmed by someone who told me they did not want to casually date…someone I felt so comfortable sharing so much of myself with quite quickly…who told me they wanted to be married again and if we loved one another, that was the only outcome.

It was like a fairy tale…I thought love had finally found me…for a second chance.

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The past decade has been full of so much. I really cannot fully express this Zipper Ride. I think it changed from Rollercoaster to the Zipper Ride at some point.

Still processing it all and awaiting to learn what my future now holds.

There is nothing like the familiar sound of 4th of July fireworks….as I sit and hone my writing skills alone on my laptop with the sounds in the distance….that speaks of fear of the future…

But I’m a BADASS woman. I reframe things.
Those fireworks in the distance?

This year…this year…for me it is the sound of celebrating my Independence and finally finding my voice.

Happy 4th of July y’all….