“Are You a Doctor?”

Sometimes I just have to laugh! Today, seemed to be my lucky day for being asked unusual questions in public and in private.

I was standing at the register of the Dollar General, a bit distracted by my thoughts about writing this blog piece. My total for a mere 3 pounds of cat food and a bottle of bath soap was $14.

As my payment was processing and the woman and I stood there waiting on the computer, the clerk was staring at me.

And then, the conversation went like this:

Her: Are you a doctor?
Me: Me? No!!! Why do you ask?
Her: You look like one.
Me: (laughing) Why?
Her: You actually look like a woman doctor I know…I ‘swear to g-d’…and that’s why I asked.

Now this wouldn’t have struck me as extra funny if I hadn’t been standing there contemplating this somewhat funny/somewhat serious blog piece you are now reading which involves the medical establishment.

And it was the third unusual question (in addition to the questionnaire I was asked to respond to at the beginning of a routine yearly office exam) that was asked of me today!

I suppose we all get a bit uncomfortable these days by the various questions and data collection being done upon us from a variety of sources (social media, Google, etc), likely inclusive or spawned by various other algorithms in various data bases. (Well, maybe some of us get uncomfortable and others may feel a little “cared about” or whatever, to be asked such questions.)

Partway into the questionnaire the nurse was verbally asking me, I started to make some jokes about the questions. And she was laughing, too. She made the comment that I was the first patient she had to use the form on, which of course prompted me to ask why.

She clarified that it wasn’t personal, just a new form now required of my particular insurance company since last week. She said prior to that, only Medicare patients were asked these questions. (Hmmm…are younger people starting to have these issues now…hmm…)

I commented that the questions were a bit on the ridiculous side and explained why, telling her my joking answer and then what the answer was that she should actually put down! I also asked if I could get a copy of it. I said that I write blog pieces and I thought this would make for some good satire or something.

During the office visit I had a friendly and good chit-chat with the woman doctor, who said she agrees the questions are silly and that the “public should know” what they’re being asked to do (paraphrase). She also mentioned that this was the first time commercial insurance companies asked these questions and also said previously this was just from Medicare.

I have an elderly friend on Medicare and she has mentioned being asked all these same questions at doctor visits. Yet, she seems to get sub-par care. In large part due to her poor hearing, ironically.

My visit was fairly short and uncomplicated, but as I was preparing to leave the room she was still making some notes and suddenly asked me, “Do you have a uterus?”

Given that we were already joking about some things, my first internal response was, “What a weird question!”

I told her “of course I have a uterus!”

She laughed and then said, “Well, we have to ask…some women may have had a hysterectomy.”

I realized the truth in that but still was amused at the casual way she asked, and wondered why she didn’t ask if I had ever had that surgery. With all the talk these days about “hands off my uterus” and the push for inclusive/genderless rights and politically correct questions (not to mention the sad fact that many young women are voluntarily removing their uterus these days, believing it will make them a man, and then proudly showing it in a jar on TikTok) I gave some thought to the question after I left.

I just thought it was funny. Sort of. No one has ever asked me that question in that way before.

It reminded me of one of my first times in their office/practice last year when I was asked if I smoked, and then asked if I chewed tobacco. I mean, likely I was wearing my same casual dress I had on today since it often is one I throw on for errands (typically I wear old, ragged jeans with paint and dirt on them around here most days while I’m working and painting art and such…wiping brushes on them…letting the knees get ripped up…) and it made me wonder to myself, “Do I look like a woman who might chew tobacco?”

Ha. But I get it. It’s a standard question. And who might think they could do a visual assessment these days and omit some question (or make some reasonable presumption), going on to the next one? That would take using one’s own medical judgement and discretion. And we can’t have the medical establishment doing THAT. Can we?

So, be prepared to answer the question, ladies!

“DO YOU CHEW TOBACCO???!!!”

And then, the third odd question I got in public today. As I was walking into the Goodwill Store, an older woman (dressed in a long jean jumper) glanced at me (and my dress) and stopped to ask if I liked having a dress that was longer in the back than in the front!

This dress was gifted to me and is a “Lularoo” dress, and it is longer in the back than in the front, as many of their dress designs were. I actually seem to get a lot of comments on it in public for some reason–people often comment about the colors or how comfortable it looks.

Anyway, the woman explained she had been looking at a dress like that in the store, and we had a little conversation. I got the feeling she was just older and wanting some social, easy-going conversation. But it still felt a bit unusual. I was still thinking about being asked if I had a uterus at the end of my yearly women’s exam, and next someone was asking me how I felt about wearing a dress that was longer in the back than in the front. I’m probably over-thinking things.

People like me who are isolated and conversation deprived (like the woman wanting to discuss my dress in front of the Goodwill) are likely a bit neurotic, maybe a little lonely and depressed with all that entails, full of very real worries and cares and personal issues, and easily cheered up a bit by social contact–even with strangers in public.

Well, on to the main thing here. The questionaire. I have scanned it and inserted my peanut gallery comments, or other thoughts. I’d be curious how other people think and feel about these types of questions.

Do you give it much thought, or do you simply comply?

A lot of me felt like saying, (and I made this joke), “It’s none of your doggone business!”

These kinds of questions aren’t significantly helpful, and are no substitute or cure for what really ails us and this world. And keep in mind, when I call my insurance company with a question, I get agents that are in a foreign company trying to assist me. Often, with significant impediment.

So, where does this insurance company “data” go? If a doctor can’t be trusted to figure out if the patient in front of them might fall over or isn’t hearing well, how do asking these questions help anything in a meaningful way?

You know, if I were a doctor, I’d be asking a variety of very different questions these days.

I notice the nurse circled the wrong answer at whether I had difficulty walking 2-3 blocks, probably because that was around the time I began my joking at the questions. By the time she got to the depression part I joked that she should write “it’s none of your doggone business!”

I can only imagine how additionally valueless the “PHQ-9” score might be when asked in this context. The problem with this mentality (intrusive, depersonalized, unhelpful questions when someone shows up at a medical appointment for some other reason) is the conclusions the medical community may draw from asking such questions, and the potentially unhelpful–even harmful–treatments they are being taught to push.

While some of the questions may be helpful with the very elderly, why must medical providers go through such a charade with a patient that routinely comes in to the office when there is a medical issue, and already have the patient’s detailed medical records?

Why must doctors (or health insurance companies) ask a patient whether they fasten their seatbelt? I believe in most states, it is illegal not to wear a seatbelt. Isn’t the the duty of a policeman to ask that, if one is pulled over and not wearing a seatbelt? Or the purview of an auto insurance company? Of all the possible important medical questions to ask (especially now that so many have received mandated experimental MRNA medications), we are asked if we buckle our seatbelt???

We are in the year 2023, not the year 1965. Most people now own cars with seatbelts and likely use them.

I walked into the office unassisted, was well-kempt and otherwise healthy looking…why ask me if I have trouble walking or hearing or have lost my balance or fallen within the past 12 months?

Yes or no–just answer the question!

Well…actually…I might have said yes to some of these questions. Just a month ago I was in my studio standing on a wood chair to reach something and the chair suddenly broke and I fell. Sometimes I have bouts of vertigo, and years ago I had a hearing test that showed I had some very mild hearing loss of certain tones (which is probably why sometimes I don’t hear men’s voices that go low or trail off as well as others!)

I had some inner ear/vestibular problems several years back and saw a specialist, and the issue cleared up on its own.

Basically, our whole medical machine now treats patients as people incapable of knowing and communicating their own needs and problems. (Thank goodness for the many remaining, truly caring medical professionals who give so much within such a constrained and tainted system.)

Time is wasted with stupid stuff, while private office visits are quite short and lacking. Doctors are pressed for time and if the patient isn’t cautious and pro-active, they will either get treatments they should not get or not get the full attention in a matter that should not be dismissed.

I speak in general terms, but with some specific previous experiences.

As for the data collection and endless guidelines, standards and protocols (not to mention the covid-related atrocities/censorships/mandates and medical harms in this realm), these days every person should enter a medical situation with an amount of unease.

In a world where the public is tired of the ridiculous political battles, we are in-undated with lantern flies and stink bugs, one can of baby formula costs $45 and barely lasts a week, electric bills are upwards of $350, there’s a perception of continued Cold War and economy issues,¹ and many families and individuals are still suffering the after-effects of a man-made global pandemic, job situations are unpredictable, and there are so many very difficult things being put upon us daily with the heartaches of the brokenness of this world…how does anyone NOT answer “yes” to having had feelings of depression during the past two weeks?

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¹(I made an attempt to ask on social media to collect some ideas for this earlier: “I’m running errands which means I’m driving and of course contemplating! I’m considering writing a satirical blog piece based on an experience I had today. And hopefully making it good and funny yet with a serious message. So quick! Give me the top 20 reasons concerning things in our world truly happening that might make one depressed to some degree! Anything, anything at all. That comes to mind. Phrased either in humor and sarcasm or deep seriousness. I’ll decide later how and whether to incorporate your contribution anonymously. I’ll start: 3 lb of cat food costs over $7. Go!”)