The purpose of this piece is to raise awareness about linguistics and how new cultural practices form. It is my hope that if we can recognize the pattern, purpose and means of infiltrating ideologies and values in one specific context, then we can better recognize trending shifts–and that which is behind some innocuous-sounding changes–in other contexts and especially, in the Church.
It is not my goal to pass judgement on whether you or someone you know engages in “Friendsgiving” of some sort, but again, simply to make you aware that it may not be what it sounds like. This newfound, trendy gathering that is popular among millennials is not simply friends getting together for their own Thanksgiving.
Over thirty years ago, there were people in my generation who would recognize those we knew that had no family for which to gather at Thanksgiving, and in my church friend’s circle it was not uncommon for a family to welcome in friends or a single person or elderly person who had nowhere to go. But this was not “Friendsgiving,” this was basic, traditional hospitality where a family-based traditional holiday was inclusive of friends.
Traditional Thanksgiving has a long-and-varied history in detail/evolution, but until recent times was generally understood in a certain general, universally-accepted manner. The first President to declare it a national holiday was Abraham Lincoln. Over the years, this uniquely “American” celebration became the most widely-traveled and celebrated US holiday, surpassing other celebrations that are more grounded in religious faith such as Christmas, Hanakkuh, Easter and such.
Because thanksgiving is more of a universally-accepted premise even among those who hold little-to-no religious faith practices–that we should be thankful and grateful for all that we have and for our families, in particular–the holiday crosses over (or should cross over) typically divisive things such as religion, politics or socio-economic status.
While Norman Rockwell’s “Freedom From Want” depicts a certain type of traditional, caucasian family, that doesn’t mean that African-Americans and other ethnicities did not/do not historically value or otherwise practice in similar fashion this multi-generational, yearly event.
I believe it is important to stress the multi-generational aspect here when contemplating “Friendsgiving.” One thing that is beautiful about traditional Thanksgiving is its bringing together of various generations–from the most elderly great-grandparent to the newborn, the inherent value is in gathering these folks together into one place.
But here was have it–the essential definition of Friendsgiving:
~Merriam Webster Arts & Culture Definition
“Escape your family and celebrate with friends.”
Historically, the traditional Thanksgiving table and day is one where young children first get images of their sometimes soon-to-pass elders embedded into their lifetime of memories, and where various life stories may be shared, helping to preserve that family’s oral traditions. For millennials and others to decide that these things are to be the subject of scoffing and contempt, and to form an alternate celebration that is not multi-generational and is not family-based (and often interferes, substitutes for or otherwise draws younger people away from their own family traditions) is a noteworthy subject and worthy of socio-politico-religious-based deeper examination.
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If I were to insert here my own assessment and critiquing-definition of Friendsgiving, it would be the following:
An “exclusive” event attended by homogenously “inclusive” people, with the goal of “surviving” a traditional holiday they consider polluted by their “toxic family members” who hold traditional values. Their mantra–as they virtue-signal their family abstinence–is that they are all “so so grateful.”
(See this piece THE PROBLEM WITH BEING ‘SO SO GRATEFUL’ for my thoughts about that).
Traditional Thanksgiving inherently embodies a deep valuing of both patriarchal and matriarchal respect. Therefore it necessitates concerted efforts of devaluation on the part of adherents of WOKEism. While I do believe many younger (and older) folks may not have this goal in their consciousness when they enjoy “Friendsgiving,” I still feel it is important at least to recognize its origins. Perhaps some young people have innocently never given deeper thought to the implications of their participation in this, as it relates to their own family context.
If we read over various online definitions/histories of “Friendsgiving,” I think we will find that I am not far off in my own definition. Here is an article I just located, though I have not read it and do not know the writer’s stance on the phenomenon. I simply link it to show that there is a lot of basis/observation by others who contemplate the meaning/history of it all. How Friendsgiving Took Over Millennial Culture
From Norman Rockwell’s “Freedom From Want” to “Alice’s Restaurant” to WOKE Thanksgiving “Friendsgiving”
As I think on the genesis of this protest-movement against the traditional family, I must think of Alice’s Restaurant. I actually like that film, because I think it serves its place as an expression of protest against War and in the context of the Vietnam entanglement. It is an iconic, artistic expression of a generation, aimed to highlight a number of things. But it does so overtly; there is no covert agenda in the idea of Alice’s Restaurant. We clearly know that it is a form of protest of something.
Alice’s Restaurant, in a sense, is a type of “Friendsgiving” celebration, I suppose. The iconic and eclectic gathering of a hodgepodge of friends only that are generationally homogenous (although Alice and her partner are older figures) is noteworthy, although, I’m not sure that the aim of the film is to destroy the Thanksgiving holiday itself. I could be wrong, and perhaps my own acceptance (and that of my generation and earlier) to some degree of more covert sentiments possibly embedded in this film helped pave the way to the current state of things.
I do not know. Sociological/cultural changes come in so gradually and insidiously, and in part, this is what I’m attempting to highlight here.
Somewhere between Rockwell’s traditional America and where we currently are, I suppose Alice’s Restaurant sits itself as some milestone. Though, perhaps it is just not related. Perhaps I don’t want it to be related, because I kind of like that film on some level.
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As I alluded to earlier, there’s something very beautiful when once a year, a family has a traditional gathering that includes the very youngest babe to the most elderly great-grandma, all under one roof. Sure, since most families are inherently dysfunctional, it may make for some eclectic (if not tense) interactions. Drunk Uncle Bob gets into it with Grandpa Joe, while big sissy Britney is playing with her younger cousins.
Certainly, generational differences have existed for millennia. But the idea that we are virtuous to generally shun our elders in a variety of ways and exclude the wisdom, life experiences and perspectives they bring to the table is a new one. Rather than learning how to negotiate this historic territory, millennials and others avoid nuance and difficult questions and challenges to their thinking. The art of listening, compromise and agreeing to disagree is lost. Friendsgiving is just another form of echo chamber, in some sense.
Lip-service is paid to espoused virtues of tolerance, gratitude, truth and more. It is their way or the highway, so-to-speak. What I find most sad is that if–and this is a BIG IF–these generations ever come to see things from a more balanced, mature, brutally honest perspective, it will be too late. Imagining my own sons at sixty or seventy years of age experiencing any remorse over their current beliefs and behaviors from the vantage point of times long past brings me deep pain and sorrow; and I know that I am not alone in this suffering.
I believe that what we are witnessing is not simply a continuation of generational tensions. It is a bold, unashamed ideology that is infiltrating and permeating the minds of our young people and society.
There is a deep truth that life is short, and we are not guaranteed tomorrow.
When we examine the notion of Friendsgiving, I believe that we must recognize the values being tacitly celebrated, as well as undergirding shared ideologies stemming from critical race theory and other forms of social justice philosophies. And it is for the second reason, especially, I named it “WOKE Thanksgiving.” Because the more immediate sense of values clash with traditional family (involving sexuality and marriage in particular) are not far from being an outgrowth of the general ideological assaults that WOKEISM is waging against all families, including those of minority status.
It is my belief that the new gender ideologies are in-and-of-themselves a politically-driven force aimed to deconstruct, devalue and otherwise derail traditional marriage, family and population/births. If you think this is a far stretch, I urge you to listen and to research that which is easily available for consideration.
Below is just one example I quickly pulled up in my exploration of “Friendsgiving.”
“No moms butting into your sex life (or lack thereof) with the kid questions or, ‘Why didn’t you bring someone? Your brother is going to propose tonight!’ No Aunt Mary asking when you’re getting married, no Grandpa Jim talking about the good old days with stories peppered with racism and homophobia (I mean, in my family, at least), and no obnoxious cousins asking for money every five minutes. You can listen to metal, pop, whatever, cuss, dance, sing, just completely let more loose than you can with your average family dinner. No pressure, just food, fun, and relaxing.
Buzzfeed
And I know, I KNOW that not every family is so intrusive and all that. My mother-in-law knows I cannot have kids, so she never dares to ask. However, my aunt will NOT. SHUT. UP. about it, especially now that she’s a grandma. I know all families are different, but you can legit let your hair down and not be judged with friends.”
—morgan_le_slay
Who in the world is this “Morgan Le Slay” you ask. All I can find out about her is she has “trophies” on Buzzfeed, and under “images” the one below comes up first. Who knows if it is her–the same “Morgan Le Slay” who put in her two cents on Buzzfeed about the value of forsaking family for friends at the holidays. From her comments, we can learn that she values/devalues the following things:
1. Fornication (values)
2. Being excited about a family member making a marriage covenant (devalues)
3. Not being encouraged to make a marriage covenant by Aunt Mary (values)
4. Trying to understand the experiences and perspectives of her elders such as her grandfather (devalues)
5. Cussing and letting loose (values)
6. Grandmothers who love children (devalues)
7. Being judged by “racists and homophobes” (devalues, except when she is judge)
In conclusion, I am leaving the end of this piece with images I located under “Friendsgiving”–as pictures are worth a thousand words. There is just so much to unpack (as they say) in all of this which includes cancel culture, estrangement, trauma-victim-oppression narratives and a number of what I would consider ungodly, unhelpful-to-society undercurrents.
So the next time you are invited to a Friendsgiving, or feel the pain of a family member opting to elevate, attend or celebrate the holiday with their like-minded friends at the expense of connecting with (or shortening connections with) family, I hope that you remember this piece.
I don’t know what we can or should do about these disturbing, destructive trends in our society. But the best I can come up with is to keep on keeping on in our attempts to push back against these things and continue promoting and walking in traditional family values and thought. Any time we can help maintain/preserve/reinforce these things, I believe we are doing some small, courageous part in refusing to Live Not By Lies.
Make no mistake: the stability, preservation and safety found in traditional family and faith is the number one obstacle to agendas seeking the downfall of us all and paving the way toward dystopian society.
This first image below depicts, especially, the lie that we can simply “choose” against biology. Friends are indeed valuable and in some cases can be “like family”–yet they are not our blood-kin family (our mothers, fathers, grandparents, sisters, brothers, cousins) simply by us declaring their primacy–any more than self-declaring that one is the opposite sex simply makes them as such.
Again, live not by lies. Save the family in our nation, while we still can…
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