There are times in our lives when we find ourselves in a prison of sorts. Times of deep grief, losses, upheavals and disruptions of all kinds and sometimes on every front.
It is no longer business as usual. We find ourselves on the proverbial roller coaster.
Metaphorically we are forced to not pass ‘GO’ and not collect our metaphorical ‘$200’ – those things which normally allow us to experience every twenty-four hour cycle of this journey called life with the peaceful stability that comes when life is predictable.
Rather, we draw or are dealt the metaphorical ‘GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL’ card – as in Monopoly – and we feel at the mercy of some disruptive experience where the rules of life and of the universe are no longer predictable and must navigate that which is beyond our control. It is during these times when we remember once more how fragile everything about this life actually is – and hopefully, just as a moth is drawn to Light, we struggle to right our internal world and move toward the Light – all that is beautiful and good and amazingly precious about this life we get to live.
And I confess how much this can be a struggle. I am reminded of the words of Anne Frank as she spoke from her personal prison, “Look at all the beauty still left around you and be happy.”
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Some of these life cards may have been working their way through the metaphorical yet turned over card deck slowly – for days, months, years – and then the time comes when it becomes inevitable the card is the next one we draw or the one we must play and work with from our hand.
Maybe it is a divorce, the death of a loved one following a long and slowly degenerative illness, the layoff notice that finally greets us face to face after months of watching others getting the news and wondering if we are next.
Other times our world may change in the blink of an eye – we get a phone call in the middle of the night with some horrible news, or the day we labor to bring a newborn child into our world becomes our worst nightmare as the tiny life ends within the womb.
When these losses happen we may physically – or in other ways – look the same to those around us. And we inhabit the same twenty-four hours going around the same metaphorical game of life that those around us do.
But inside our world is upside down. We are held captive to our internal processing – sorting, defining, looking backward and looking forward, holding on and letting go, asking questions, getting answers and having no answers – all that is essential to our healing and recovery. Our wounds are healing from the inside out.
We may also find that while we ourselves are in the midst of such disorientation there are so many others depending on us to be strong. There are others looking to us to navigate the way when we ourselves do not know the exact way forward – only perhaps the next step.
I’m remembering after my first divorce when my sons were 11 and 16. I recall the strong feeling and knowledge I had that I needed to keep life for them as normal and positive and stable as possible though I knew so much had changed. I was a mess myself but I needed to try to make things OK for them. I look back and reflect that although I think I did the best I could at that time, years later I know that there were things I should have done differently.
Think of the grieving mother after losing a child, or having a husband ill with cancer, who daily must be there for a toddler and other children.
Think of the one who is suffering some sort of personal or financial crisis that must show up to work at 8 am and perform their job – not only for their own paycheck but ultimately for those who are in need and depending on their expertise to keep essential systems in our society running smoothly.
Think of the surgeon who has recently received bad news right before walking into the operating room. Think of the customer service agent who must advocate for someone in something which they themselves need similar help to move forward.
In our times of weakness we also find unique opportunities, extra grace and hidden blessings in being part of the interconnected web of humanity.
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Circumventing this essential process of authentically wading through all life puts before us serves no good purpose. Putting this process on some timetable or constraining the constructs and boundaries of how we or others should navigate our ways forward serves no good purpose.
Often times, those that surround us cannot fully see the interconnections of our current loss or situation which – like the roots of a plant – meander deep within the recesses of our being. Other times, those around us do see and know but are at a loss how to best help. Our presence to others in both small and big ways is invaluable.
It may feel as though the metaphorical rules of the gameboard we inhabit are all changed up – the familiar words and symbols on the metaphorical cards or the colors of the familiar landings or dice or whatever are so rearranged.
Maybe there are days where it even seems they are almost back to normal but then suddenly the next roll of the dice sends us spiraling down some internal rabbit hole once again.
We look back, we look forward, we look deep within and without. And it seems we are just waiting…waiting…wondering….how long? What will be the new normal and when will it come?How long must we be in this place?
I’m reminded of this part in Pilgrim’s Progress:
“Indeed,” agreed Great-heart. “our Lord has taught us that the road to destruction is broad and easy while the road to the Kingdom is strait and narrow. But as your friend Christian did say at this point: “Better, though difficult, the right way to go, Than wrong, though easy, where the end is woe.”
“So, ladies and gentlemen, shall we plucck up our courage and have at this hill?”
“Is this hill very long, Mr. Great-heart?” asked James as he shouldered his little pack.
“Longer than you wish, but shorter than you think, little man,” answered Great-heart.
“Oh,” said he, not overly enlightened.Then they set forward and began to toil up the hill. But before they had got anywhere near the top, Christiana began to puff and pant, and said, “I dare say!” This is a hill to make one breathe a bit! No wonder they who love their ease more than their souls choose to go an easier way! (puff, puff) My!”
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I write this today as I break from painting, on the tail of a stretch of days where my internal processing as well as external exhausting issues needing attention seemed to send me down another metaphorical rabbit hole. Or, at the base of yet another hill to climb.
But, every rabbit hole is an opportunity to heal and grow. And the base of every hill, the same.
I am so grateful for the circle of closest women friends who each are available at the right times to listen, to pray, to understand, reflect back and to comfort simply in their presence.
Step by step we all face our own life challenges and keep moving forward. Sometimes more swiftly and sometimes as through metaphorical mud.
I’m also reminded of a podcast called “The River, The Mountain and You” which I will probably listen to next as I resume the next task beforeme. While I recall – after several periodic listens to this – that the slant of this message is toward broader religious experience I think it still contains many principles and aspects relating to the theme of life disruptions of any sort.
While I cannot locate the video clip on YouTube, a scene from Little House on the Prairie I have periodically recalled also comes to mind. It is when Ma and Pa Ingalls travel to a larger town to seek help for Mary’s blindness and there they receive bad news. It has been many years since I’ve watched this series but I recall in the scene Ma is staring out the window watching the townspeople go to and fro with their ordinary activities and she says, as though dazed by the news, something along the lines of “Where are they all going? What are they all doing? Why are they so busy?”
Her world is upside down and she looks out the window at those engaged in normal life with a profound sense of disorientation.
I know and trust that one day when I least expect it, I will find myself released from my current season of disorientation and difficulties – this metaphorical time of being in a cocoon, or lying dormant to ordinary life- like a seed from a previous year laying in the earth awaiting a personal springtime and sprouting.
One day the fears, grief and struggles that are now in my face will settle and I will find myself walking through a day where most things inside and outside of me once again feel routine and predictable.
I will be passing the metaphorical ‘GO’ every twenty-four hours and collecting the metaphorical ‘$200’ which is not at all -don’t get me wrong when I use this analogy – about the things in life that can be bought. I will once again be in the season of the ordinary, the new normal. I hold hope for the future blooming of all that is good, sacred and right with the world to come forth from these seeds which now lay in varying amounts of darkness and the unknown.
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Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)
“Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.”
Invitation to the Thirsty
Isaiah 55 (NIV)
“Come, all you who are thirsty
,come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you
,my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.
”Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands
.Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,that will endure forever.”
Thank You For Reading
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